First, what does “sleeping through the night” mean? It is commonly understood that with this expression, we refer to a baby sleeping for five to six hours straight, without the need to be fed or crying for more than 5 minutes.

Note that it is also essential for parents to get at least five hours of uninterrupted sleep in order to treat and potentially lower the risk of postpartum depression, something one of seven mothers suffers from.

Should you be wondering if your little one could be sleeping through the night, there is one thing you need to understand: there is a difference between the event in which babies can sleep through the night and when babies actually do sleep through the night.

 

When can babies sleep through the night?

Newborns sleep a lot (up to 18 hours a day), but they only sleep in short intervals. They usually wake up every two or three hours to be fed. A newborn’s body clock needs time to get adjusted to the outside world before being able to sleep five to six hours without waking up. Babies have to settle their biological rhythm to get their body to properly regulate the temperature, hormone secretion, and the feeding cycle.

Before your baby can sleep through the night, she (or he) has to have bypassed several physical and cognitive milestones:

• • The Moro Reflex has decreased or stopped.
  • The day/night confusion has disappeared.
  • She is gaining weight at a healthy rate.
  • Night feedings have started to decrease.
  • She is learning to self soothe (by sucking on her fingers, with a pacifier or a teddy bear).

 

When do babies usually sleep through the night?

During the so-called 4^th trimester (i.e. the three first months of life), your baby’s sleep patterns are rather unpredictable. That is completely normal. Although you can introduce good sleep habits during that time, it is more important to focus on loving and caring for your little one.

Always trust your parental instinct. If you hear your child crying, she probably wants to send you a clear message (she is hungry, bored or tired). So, do whatever you need to soothe her and make sure she is getting all the food and sleep needed.

Ignoring that your baby is screaming, crying and turning 50 shades of purple to avoid the habit of being spoiled and cuddled to sleep can be harmful. Since it is strongly advised not to let a baby cry unattended for long periods, take your child in your arms if needed. The faster you meet your baby’s needs, the sooner your baby calms down and falls asleep. During these first three months, don’t worry about spoiling her or creating bad habits. There is no use in training your baby, just respond to her needs.

Each baby is different because of characteristics such as temperament, health, family dynamics, and sleep environment. This means that babies usually have longer stretches of nighttime and can sleep just about anywhere between 10 weeks to six months.

Around two months (eight weeks), only one in four babies are “good sleepers”, meaning they sleep at least five or six hours without interruption between 11 p.m. and 8 a.m. At four months, this number triples to reach approximately 75%. According to the National Sleep Foundation, by six months of age, nighttime feedings are usually not necessary and many infants sleep through the night. 70% to 80% will do so by nine months of age.

When your baby is around 18 weeks old (adjusted age), more regular sleep patterns emerge, which means sleeping through the night is getting closer for her (and for the whole family)! If by the time your child is four months old she does not sleep through the night, you could start sleep training (read: What is the best sleep-training method?).

Even if your child has started sleeping through the night, beware of sleep regressions! Babies going through growth spurts (around one to three weeks, six to eight weeks, three and six months), sometimes need to be fed at night for two or three days in a row.

 

If your baby isn’t sleeping through the night by nine months, talk to your pediatrician to determine if there is a root cause (e.g. GERD or sleep apnea). Should this latter consider that your child can sleep through the night or if you would like to get more information on how to improve the quality and quantity of your child’s sleep, schedule your first consultation now! It is a free and non-binding offer.

When you walk out of the hospital with your newborn, a lot of questions and worries are probably going through your head. “How am I going to do this? Do I even know what I am doing?” It can be overwhelming. Raising a child will probably be the most life-changing yet hardest adventure you will experience in your life.

No matter how pleased your baby is to finally meet her (his) Mommy and Daddy, the world outside the womb is very different. Your baby needs time and understanding to adjust to its ex-utero life, just as it takes you time to get used to your new parental role. Some babies cry every time they are placed in their crib and others rarely do. For the majority of parents, it is gut-wrenching to listen to their baby crying for long periods: you wonder if it makes you a heartless parent to leave her alone crying. For me, even just one minute of tears seemed like an eternity.

 

How much crying is normal for a baby?

As the sun goes down, you might notice your newborn getting fussier. With the continual wake-ups every couple of hours the first few weeks, it is of the utmost importance that we, as parents, comfort them as best and quickly as we possibly can.

It is natural for your baby to sob, cry or seem inconsolable. It is also certainly normal to feel stressed and frustrated as a parent when you hear those cries. From birth until the week 6 – 8, the crying goes crescendo. By week 6 – 8, babies cry on a daily average of 2 to 2,5 hours. After the third month, the total duration decreases to 1 to 1,5 hours a day and remains steady for the rest of the first year.

Generally speaking, several factors are affecting the amount of crying:

1. The child’s age (after 3 months, the older, the fewer the cries)
2. The child’s temperament (the easier the child, the fewer the cries)
3. The level of parental consistency (the more consistent, the fewer the cries)
4. The length of the crying episodes (the shorter the episodes, the fewer the cries)

Know that crying is thought to be excessive if it happens for more than three hours a day for more than three days a week. Excessive crying is sometimes referred to as ‘colic’. Excessive crying can also be a sign of something that needs to be treated. Should the below-mentioned techniques not achieve the desired result, talk to your pediatrician. There might be a health problem that needs attention.

 

How can I soothe my crying baby?

When an infant is groaning and crying, the first thing that comes to a parent’s mind is: “How can I make my baby stop crying?”. Some solutions like using the rocking chair or stroking her head sometimes only lead to very short-term victories.

It is also easy to jump straight to the most convenient thing that Mommies find calm their babies almost instantly…nursing. Babies love sucking and love being close to their mother. Skin to skin is wonderful! That being said, they may not be hungry in the first place but only want to soothe themselves and fall asleep by sucking. We all have once wished our little one would come with a detailed instruction manual!

 

1. The universal baby language

An Australian mom, named Priscilla Dunstan, decoded the universal language of babies. All babies between zero and three months make the same type of sounds to express their basic needs. Dunstan identified 5 sounds that correlate with each one of them:

1. “Neh” means “I am hungry”
2. “Owh” means “I am tired”
3. “Eh” means “I need to burp”
4. “Eairh” means “I have belly gas”
5. “Heh” means “I am uncomfortable”

If you want to discover how Dunstan has unlocked the secret of babies, watch her interview with Oprah (🎥 video). With a bit of training (check out 🎥 videos on the Dunstan Baby website) and plenty of practice, Mommies and Daddies learn to recognize these sounds and respond quickly and suitably to their baby’s needs.

Research has shown that the Dunstan system increases maternal self-esteem and undisrupted sleep for both their baby and the parents. According to Dunstan “when infants are happy and content you will find they will sleep better. Settling a tired baby is much easier than a baby who is wide awake. By following the sounds and acting on what is needed, your baby will feel more relaxed and so will you.” On their side, fathers reported reduced parenting stress, enjoying a greater parental involvement and more positive marital relationships.

 

2. The Five S’s Method

It is believed that babies are born three months too early. Compared to other mammals, human babies are immature at birth and need extra care. They are out of the womb, but not quite ready for this world. A baby leaves its comfort zone after nine months because its tiny brain is already big, but still immature.

Experts say babies need these first three months of life to give their brain and central nervous system the time to reach a certain level of maturity. During that trimester, breathing starts to regulate, the infant gets enough control to lift her head, smiles, develops social interactions, and begins to self-soothe. This time between birth and the end of a baby’s third month is a unique stage of life, referred to as the “4^th trimester”.

Dr. Harvey Karp says  “all infants are born with an ‘off’ switch for crying. Inside the uterus, they get constant holding and rocking, and the noise in there is louder than a vacuum cleaner. Then suddenly they are born and it’s quiet and still.” Imagine the environment in which your baby was growing as a fetus. It was a noisy, warm, wet, jiggly and confined space. Also, she was continuously fed through the placenta.

Your baby may cry even after having been fed and changed. It seems that she simply does not want to calm down. Karp has developed a great method for soothing that does include physical contact: the “Five S’s”.

Karp’s method suggests that the ideal way to activate a baby’s calming reflex and get her to sleep is to mimic noises, movements, and the environment within the womb (🎥video). Parents usually think newborns need calm, quiet, still places but it’s quite the opposite!

To respond to the cries the best you can, use the following 5 techniques reproducing in-utero sensations :

1. Swaddle: To do this, wrap the arms snug, keeping them straight at the side, but keep the hips loose and flexed (👉check out Dr. Karp’s DUDU technique). My children loved this “S” and would calm down in no time.
2. Side or Stomach: While “back is best” for sleeping, it is the worst position for calming fussiness. You can hold your baby on its left side (meaning that its left side is closest to the floor) or stomach. Researchers found that these two positionings decrease reflux events. This also explains why babies fall asleep in a twinkling of an eye laying on Mommy’s or Daddy’s chest.
3. Shush: The womb is not a silent place! Do you sleep with a fan running? It’s a lot like that. Your baby has only ever known the sounds of the womb. In utero, babies are lulled by the sound of the blood flow in the placenta and the gurgling of the mother’s stomach. It is said to be comparable to a vacuum cleaner. Using a white noise machine is the best way to imitate these noises. Parents can also whisper “shhh” to the baby’s ear or place a recording.
4. Swing: In addition to being noisy, the womb is also a jiggly place. Dr. Karp recommends fast, tiny motions rather than a slow rocking when an infant is crying. Slow rocking is calming, but if a baby is wailing, the “Jell-O head” jiggle (so named by Dr. Karp’s patients) works best. Support the neck and head, keep movements small and move less than an inch back and forth. Never shake the baby, of course.
5. Suck: Many parents quickly discover the magic of sucking. A lot of babies calm down with pacifiers and they work well. They are also safe for sleep as they reduce the risk of SIDS (i.e. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). However, there are drawbacks as well which include the risk of worsening colic and creating nipple confusion. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) currently states that “pacifiers do not cause any medical or psychological problems” and can be used safely to satisfy a child’s sucking instinct.

Many things in parenthood are instinctual but the 5 S’s take practice. If one “S” is not working, maybe try another one (some babies only need one or two, so find the “S” that she likes). You might also have to change your technique a bit to see what works for your baby. You could also look at other problems: is your child getting too much or too little milk? Are the bowel movements abnormal? There could also be a medical issue that is causing her to be moody such as food intolerance or acid reflux.

Dr. Karp says that if you do all 5 S’s correctly, it will work for 98% of the babies. If you’re part of that 2%, don’t hesitate to talk to your pediatrician if the fussing continues. That is what he/she is there for!

 

3. The holding method

One less popular calming technique is “The Hold”, developed by the American pediatrician Dr. Robert Hamilton. Check out his video published on Youtube that has already been watched millions of times! (🎥 video)

His holding technique consists of 4 simple steps:

1. Fold baby’s arms across the baby’s chest;
2. Gently secure the arms;
3. Grasp the baby’s diaper area; and
4. Rocking her at an angle of 45 degrees.

Read “What is a healthy sleep hygiene?” to know how to teach babies older than 3 months to self-soothe.

 

Should I let my newborn cry alone?

Crying is not pathological; it’s part of the babies’ survival mode. They cry because they have basic needs and have no other ways to express themselves. An infant never cries to manipulate because she does not know that feeling yet. You do not take any risk of making her capricious, manipulative or a spoiled human being by holding her in your arms as soon as she fusses. On the contrary, infants need constant attention to grow emotionally, physically and intellectually. During the 4^th trimester, respond to the tears and do whatever it takes to soothe your baby. It can be changing the diaper signing a song softly, shushing in her ears or picking her up to rocking her.

There are many advantages of not letting your baby cry alone:

• The faster you respond to tears, the sooner she will calm down and fall asleep.
• Being comforted and feeling secure helps with bonding. It has been proven that mothers of securely attached infants had nighttime interactions that were generally more consistent, sensitive and responsive than those of insecurely attached infants.
• Both the less crying and the bonding protect Mommy and Daddy and reduce the risk of suffering from post-partum depression.
• It has been observed that leaving your baby to cry unattended for long periods could affect brain development.

To comfort your baby, respond to her cries and needs. You can also try to entertain her. In doing this, she will know that she is loved and will feel safe. Besides, it will help her in the process of becoming a self-confident adult. If you managed to calm her down, place her back in her crib 5 or 10 minutes later. By responding quickly, you will maximize her sleep time and quality.

 

How can I cope and keep calm with my crying baby?

The first months of a baby’s life have a major impact on parents. Sleep deprivation can cause you to do things you would never normally do. You hear terrifying stories of shaken baby syndrome caused by parental exhaustion. That is exactly why sleep is so utterly important when you have a child. Sleep deprivation can also cause, amongst other things, marital issues, postpartum depression, car accidents, and breastfeeding problems.

Research shows that 30% of divorced or separated parents mention that the main reason that triggered their separation is the sleepless nights caused by their baby crying. Beyond an insufficient duration of sleep for the young parents, the sleepless or interrupted nights are invoked. At least 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep would be needed to properly concentrate and, among other things, prevent postpartum depression.

You are simply not yourself without sleep. Therefore, sleep is a must for all parents! Remember to have patience and strong support from family members and friends for those times when you feel overwhelmed. Try to create a village around you.

 

Should your doctor consider that your child can sleep through the night or if you would like to get more information on how to improve the quality and the quantity of your child’s sleep, schedule your first consultation now. It is a free and non-binding offer.

Every parent, no matter what their parenting style is or how their children eventually turn out, struggles with self-doubt at some point. Sometimes, the surroundings do not make it easier for them. Mommies and Daddies are invaded by unsolicited, infantilizing and moralizing advice. Not surprisingly, they worry about their child’s sleep habits and patterns. “Is my child getting too little or too much sleep? How long should the naps be? Should I let her (him) cry to fall asleep? Why does she wake up more often at night than other children of the same age? ”

 

As Dr. Benjamin Spock would say: “Trust yourself, you know more than you think you do.”

 

While suggestions for the daily care of your child can be helpful, the best advice comes from listening to your own instincts. You know what is the best for your little one.

 

Having a child who is a “bad sleeper” is a worldwide phenomenon. Research has shown that one in four children under five years has sleep problems. This means that about six million little Europeans experience difficulties sleeping, bringing their parents to suffer from not only physical but sometimes also mental exhaustion.

 

When dealing with sleep problems, it is important to take the time to separate causes from symptoms. You will want to know what is causing the sleep problems and why. If you treat symptoms, you will only have temporary sleep improvements because the causes will not have been addressed, causing the symptoms to return shortly after.

 

The delineation between normal sleep and sleep problems is not simple to define. So, how can you tell whether your child’s sleep patterns are causing problems? The most prevalent reasons are easy to recognize and are clear-cut. Common trouble going to sleep may include the following:

 

• The child has a medical dysfunction (e.g. obstructive sleep apnea, colic, asthma, allergies, ear infection).
• The child does not know how to fall asleep on her own.
• She does not get enough sleep during the day and/or at night (read: How much sleep does my child need?).
• She is overtired when going to bed.
• Her sleep cues and windows are ignored (read: What is a healthy sleep hygiene?).
• She wakes up hungry because she did not eat enough during the day.
• The bedroom is not a sleep-friendly environment (read: How does a sleep-friendly bedroom look like?).
• The child is reaching a developmental milestone (e.g. separation anxiety, rolling, standing, walking or potty training).
• One or both parents suffer from postpartum depression.
• There is a marital discord between the parents.
• There are factors stressing out the parents (e.g. work, money or sleepless nights).
• The parents have trouble setting limits.

 

There is a list of specific symptoms warning parents that a sleep problem probably exists.

• Waking and crying one or more times in the night and not managing to fall back asleep within 5 minutes.
• Crying when parents leave the room.
• Refusing to go to sleep without parental support or intervention.
• Clinging to the parent at separation.
• Complaining that she’s can’t fall asleep.
• Falling asleep while nursing or with the bottle.
• Taking more than 30 minutes to fall asleep.
• Waking up too early or too late in the morning (i.e. before 6 a.m. or after 8 a.m.).
• Difficulty waking up for daycare or school.
• Falling asleep too early or too late in the evening (i.e. before 6 p.m. or after 8 p.m.).
• Unexplained decrease in daytime performance (learning or concentration ability).
• Being excessively tired, cranky and irritable during the day.
• Experiencing sleep terrors, sleepwalking or bedwetting.
• Snoring loudly, sweating, sleeping restlessly and breathing through the mouth (symptoms of obstructive sleep apnea).

If you manage to solve the root cause, your child could sleep better at night (under the condition that there is no other underlying behavioral, environmental or health problem). The good news is that many of the common sleep issues can be easily solved.

 

If you think that your child’s particular behavior is not bothersome, then no action is necessary. However, if you have any doubt, don’t leave sleep problems go unaddressed. Talk with your child’s healthcare provider when you think that your little one has trouble going to sleep or staying asleep, especially if this is a new pattern.

 

If you would like to get more information on how to improve the quality and the quantity of your child’s sleep, schedule your first consultation now! It is a free and non-binding offer.

The timing must be right for you and your child. Infants can be ready for sleep coaching as soon as six months, other even from four months (18 weeks). They should be neurologically, physically and mentally prepared for sleep coaching.

Choose a time to start sleep coaching when you can reasonably expect about three weeks without any major routine disruption such as travelling, moving or starting a new job. In addition, it is only after having received the pediatrician’s approval that I give parents the green light to start sleep training. 

 

Since the success of sleep training mainly depends on the parents’ patience and consistency throughout the process, I always make sure that they are both 100% on board. If one of them does not agree on the approach, they are unlikely to succeed. And, before creating a personalized Sleep Project, I always make sure that the parents’ expectations are realistic and achievable based on the child’s age, temperament and the family’s situation.

I also remind parents before we start to be very patient and persevering. Rome wasn’t built in a day … On average, it takes 14 days to sleep coach a child. The process can be shorter or longer, depending on the child’s age, temperament and the parents’ level of consistency.

 

I suggest starting with the Mobilis (part of the Dodo Coaching sleep-training method) on a Friday. This gives parents two days over the weekend to be tired and distracted with sleep coaching. The first nights are often the most stressful and tiring for the whole family. Challenges and the nocturnal sleep interruptions can be numerous. The weekend gives them the opportunity to recover or nap during the day.

 

Once you have chosen a date to begin sleep coaching, wake your little one up at the same time for four or five days before (preferably between 7:00 a.m. and 7:30 a.m.). Also, make sure he/she naps well during the two days prior the start, even if you have to make him/her sleep in the stroller or in the car. In order to start sleep coaching in the best conditions, he/she must have napped enough and shouldn’t look overtired. It would be difficult to ask your little one to change his/her sleep habits and to get out of his/her comfort zone if he/she’s cranky, frustrated and exhausted.

 

In some cases, the start date may need to be shifted. How your baby starts his/her day on Day #1 may affect how well he/she will sleep that first night. Should your baby seem relatively tired and hard to calm down at bedtime, think about postponing the start date of the Mobilis.

 

If you would like to get more information on how to improve the quality and quantity of your child’s sleep, schedule your first consultation now! It is a free and non-binding offer.

Are you a parent seeking the most suitable sleep-training method for your child? Do you want to train your child to sleep on her own? If your answer is a big ‘YESSS!’, this article will bring you all the answers you are looking for. In fact, in this post, I give you the opportunity to choose from the 7 most popular methods to help your baby stop waking up in the middle of the night or taking short naps. Some methods involve crying, others involve little tears and are gentler.

 

According to Dr. Jodi Mindell, children who have benefited from assisted learning feel more secure, are more predictable, less irritable and cry less than prior to this intervention. On the other hand, children who have never really learned to become independent sleepers are more likely to suffer from insomnia in the longer term. 

 

Since all children differ from one another, there is not a single, unique method that is the most efficient for every family. No single approach works for all children. Therefore, I will briefly present the most common sleep-training methods and leave it up to you to decide which one would suit your little one and your family the best.

 

Know that whatever the method you choose, patience and consistency are 2 key factors guaranteeing the success of the learning process. In fact, research has shown that no matter which sleep method you choose, consistency is the most important factor in success. 

 

 

Method #1: Cry-It-Out method

 

The Cry-It-Out method (or CIO) is quite controversial and loaded with extreme opinions going from “cruel” to “the only fast way to help Baby sleep through the night”. 

 

Dr. Marc Weissbluth, author of “Healthy Sleep Habits”, is a strong supporter of letting your baby cry it out and introduces the concept of extinction sleep training. This method is very simple to execute and is clear to understand.

 

After the bedtime routine, give your child a kiss goodnight, put her to bed awake and leave the bedroom. The CIO method accepts that nodding off without anyone else’s involvement is an ability your infant can ace if you give her the space needed. Therefore, it is alright to give her the chance to fall asleep on her own, even if it does involve some crying. Whatever the length of time she needs before nodding off, you should not go back into the room until the following morning.

 

The idea behind such a technique is that if your child becomes used to having you rock or comfort her to rest, she won’t figure out how to soothe herself to sleep. When she awakens during the night – as all kids and grown-ups do as a feature of the normal sleep cycle – she will end up frightened and sob for you as opposed to having the capacity to return to rest. 

 

Of course, crying isn’t the objective of this sleep training technique. However, advocates say it is generally an inescapable symptom as your child acclimates to sleeping on her own. They say the fleeting torment of a couple of tears is far exceeded by the long-haul benefits: a kid who rests effectively and cheerfully all alone, and parents who can depend on a decent night’s rest.

 

Scream-tolerant parents who opt for this sleep-training technique and resist the temptation to console their child are often happy with fast results. But like all sleep-training methods, the CIO also has its downsides. This strategy is certainly not for every parent, but can be rather effective for those that are focused on seeing it through. Depending on the child’s temperament, the mental state of the parents or their sensitivity to crying, this technique could turn out to be inappropriate and can lead to feeling parental failure. If parents give up after an hour and do a parental check, it sends the message to the baby that she was right to cry for so long. She learns that by continuously crying, she gets what she wants. The following evening, the risk is high that she will, once again, be crying (for an hour or more) until the parents are there to help.

 

Even after having successfully sleep trained their child, parents state that any disruption (e.g. a simple cold, a separation anxiety phase or teething) can bring back some nighttime chaos, forcing them to face a whole new episode of CIO again.

 

The CIO-resistant adults affirm that quickly responding to a crying baby turns out to reduce the amount of crying as the baby gets older. Silvia Bell and Mary Ainsworth from John Hopkins University discovered that the Mommies who responded rapidly to crying in the first months had babies who cried less often and for shorter periods when they were 12 months, compared with the ones who had delayed their intervention or ignored the crying jags. In fact, a child who was CIO sleep-trained understands that it will not get any help no matter how hard it cries.

 

Also, being comforted and feeling secure helps with bonding. It has been proven that mothers of securely attached infants had nighttime interactions that were generally more consistent, sensitive and responsive than those of insecurely attached infants. 

 

Finally, besides the insecure attachment prolonged unattended crying could cause neurological damage and affect brain development. 

 

Method #2: Ferber method

 

Pediatrician Richard Ferber has developed a softer technique in comparison to the CIO, which is known as the “Ferber method”, also called the “controlled crying” or the “graduated extinction”. It involves sleep training a child to self-soothe by allowing it to cry for a predetermined amount of time before parents come back into the room to cheer it up.

 

The master of the technique suggests that you put your child in a crib awake, settle it down, and at that point, leave the room. If your child begins to cry, sit tight for five minutes before barging in to help. Once you are able to calm your child down, leave the room again. 

 

On the off chance that your child keeps crying, repeat the procedure, holding up five minutes longer each time before you return to comfort it (so hold up 10 minutes the second time, 15 minutes the third time, etc.). 

 

These ‘more drawn-out interims’ are to show your child that you won’t naturally come to whenever she starts crying. In the end, the goal and bottom-line of all this training is that children figure out how to rest without anyone else’s intervention.

 

Controlled crying isn’t as brutal as CIO. Ferber is convinced that if a child gets all the love and attention during the daytime, the crying should not cause permanent damage. According to him, crying is an inevitable part of sleep training, even though it is not an aim in itself.

 

Parents always need to consider their emotional well-being as well. In case you’re restless and sleep-deprived, it could affect your parenting capacity. Should it be unbearable for you to listen to your child crying, it is better to choose for a gentler sleep-training method.

 

Method #3: Assisting-to-sleep method

 

Gina Ford, author of the “Content baby book”, developed a method that aims to get your baby used to sleeping at regular times during naps and in the evening, which will help her to sleep through the night as soon as she is physically able. Ford recommends to follow clear and structured feeding and sleeping routines that match the baby’s natural rhythms. The method claims that by following the 9 different routines described in the above-mentioned book, one is able to avoid issues that bring on endless tears. Ford recommends leaving a baby to cry for around 1 hour per day to teach her that she will not always be picked up. She considers that doing so should train your little one to sleep through the night by 8 to 10 weeks.

 

Method #4: Pick-Up/Put-Down Method

 

This method is exactly how it sounds. Promoted by Tracy Hogg, a.k.a. the Baby Whisperer, it includes going through the everyday routine, laying your baby down while it is still awake and remaining in the room with your baby until it is alseep (similar to the Mobilis). 

 

On the off chance that your baby wasn’t objecting, you could leave the room. In the case where your child starts to cry to the point of making you uncomfortable, Hogg recommends pursuing a “stop, pause and tune in” approach.

 

However, if your baby keeps on getting worked up and requires your assistance, you can come back to the room and hold your child until she calms down (the pick-up part). After, you lay her back in bed (the put down part) in a drowsy-but-awake state. You can repeatedly go through this two-step procedure until the point that your child eventually settles down in her lodging and dozes off to sleep.

 

Since the process continues until your baby falls asleep, this sleep-training method requires lots of parental patience and calmness, particularly in the middle of the night.

 

Method #5: No-cry method

 

Elizabeth Pantley understood that not every parent is prepared to let baby cry it out. She advocates the “no-cry sleep solution” and offers a gentle and gradual approach to sleep, adapted to all baby’s needs. She recommends rocking and feeding babies to the point of drowsiness before putting them down. She also believes that CIO techniques can give your child negative associations with bedtime and sleep that could last a lifetime. Therefore, she urges parents to respond immediately to their baby’s cries but also to keep sleep, nap, and night-waking logs. 

 

Although Pantley states having developed a “no-cry” method, I tend to lean more towards a “limited crying” method. Not one single sleep-training method delivers the promise that your child will not once in a while break out in tears. Such a guarantee is unrealistic because children cry, even if you are the most caring parents in the world.

 

Method #6: Co-sleeping method

 

Pediatrician William Sears, the father of attachment parenting and author of the “Baby Sleep Book”, promotes a collection of seven practices called the “Baby Bs”: Birth bonding, Breastfeeding, Baby-wearing, Bedding close to the baby, Belief in the baby’s cry, Balance and boundaries, and Beware of baby trainers. Therefore, Sears encourages co-sleeping, rocking, nursing, carrying your baby everywhere and other forms of physical closeness during the first years of her life. He claims that these practices are great ways to bond with your child, to reduce crying, to create positive sleep associations early on and healthy sleep habits down the road.

 

For your information, the latest recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatric does not encourage parents to co-sleep but rather room-share. Co-sleeping can increase the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) whereas room-sharing with a baby actually lowers the risk of SIDS by 50%.

 

Method #7: Chair method

 

When it comes to the chair method (or the Mobilis as I call it), parents diminish step by step their role in helping their baby doze off, giving it work a way out to soothe herself. “The plan is to be the sleep coach, not the sleep crutch“, says Kim West, a licensed clinical welfare worker in Maryland, and author of “The Sleep Lady’s Good Night Sleep Tight”.

 

The chair method is an extraordinary and gentle strategy for parents who want to teach their child to sleep independently. This technique comprises of steadily weaning your presence from your baby’s side.

 

On the first night of sleep training, you can sit on a chair next to your child’s bed until the point she nods off. By sitting close to your child, you can easily comfort and reassure her by touching her or talking softly. Every time your baby wakes up at night, you come back to your position (if all the needs seem to be satisfied), give your child the reassurance needed until she falls back asleep.

 

At regular intervals (every 2 to 3 nights) you have to move further away. As you are soothing her less by moving away from her bed, she learns to soothe herself more by sucking a finger, twirling her hair, nestling into her blanket or hugging a teddy bear. If parents remain patient, consistent and perseverant, the child becomes a great sleeper in just 14 days.

The chair method works with babies as young as old as four months (i.e. the adjusted age of 18 weeks), and the technique is also tailored for toddlers and children up to 6 years old. 

 

It appears to be sufficiently straightforward on paper, however like any other sleep training technique, it is essential to be tough with yourself and to continue with it consistently, especially when there are obstructions and hurdles lurking in your way.

 

The chair method has helped many parents to get a good night’s sleep, and has minimized the scope for even the smallest tear for their little angel.

 

* * * * *

 

In a nutshell, with all babies and parents being different, there is no unique answer when it comes to determining the best sleep-training method. 

When considering the spectrum of coaching approaches, ask yourself what your instincts are telling you to do. The best technique is the one that works for both your child and you in order that you can commit to sleep train until the objective has been reached. When choosing the most suitable sleep-training method, you mainly need to take into account your baby’s temperament and age, and your parenting philosophy.

Let’s face it. What you are trying to approach and achieve can be challenging and tiring. You are trying to teach your child a new skill that will have a great impact on her lifetime sleep quality. Naturally, this will require some grit from your end. An inconsistent approach will not take you far and things will start to become overwhelmingly hard. It is a big change for your baby. So, have great patience while sleep training your little one. The change can not only be hard on you but also on your child that needs time to get comfortable. Remember that almost every sleep-training method or technique will involve crying (mostly from your child’s end), even in the ones claiming to be “No-Cry”!

If you decide to go for the chair method, I can help you along the 14-day process. With me by your side, you will remain consistent, get an answer to every question and reach the objectives you have set. To get more information on how to improve the quality and quantity of your child’s sleep, schedule your first consultation now! It is a free and non-binding offer.

Sleeping is a learned skill. When you coach your baby to sleep through the night, chances are that you will see some tears and hear sobbing out of frustration. Babies do cry, whatever sleep-training method you put in place. In the beginning, they have no clue what needs to be done to fall asleep without the parents’ help or they might just be overtired. Progression should be seen within one or two weeks of sleep training. 

 

Some families contact me because they have put in place some type of sleep training on their own, failed to see real improvement, and could not reach their objectives. These parents often feel they have tried everything and read a lot about the problematic topic. They get to the point that they are running out of ideas to fix the sleep issues. They usually have not thoroughly considered or have not properly put a sleep-training plan into action. Translating theory into practice can be challenging! Parents are not intentionally wrecking the learning process and are not always the ones to blame for unsuccessful results.

 

Let me help you to understand the main causes or contributors to failure in sleep coaching and how you could rectify the situation.

 

 

1. Underlying health conditions 

 

 

When a child gets sick, she often wakes up her parents to warn them that she is not feeling well. She expresses pain and distress, even in the middle of the night. In the particular case of an ear infection, the horizontal position makes it even more painful. Pay attention to your child’s crying (the sound and the intensity) as well as the body temperature. If you have any doubts or have observed possible symptoms, check with your doctor immediately.

In the same way, allergies, reflux and a cold can temporarily disrupt your child’s sleep.

Another common but still underdiagnosed cause is obstructive sleep apnea. About 3% of children suffer from it. To check if your baby is affected by obstructive sleep apnea, answer the following questions:

• Does your child usually snore?
• Is the bed wet from sweating?
• Is your child a restless sleeper?
• Does your child have an audible noisy breathing?

If the answer is “yes” to each of the above questions, then talk with your pediatrician and ask him/her to look at your child’s tonsils and adenoids.

If teething does not really fall into the category of health concerns, but instead considered as a developmental stage, it can also greatly disrupt sleep. Teething can definitively interfere with your baby’s sleep, but far less than what you might anticipate or believe. It is only when your little one shows signs of discomfort, grumpiness, and pain during the day that teething can be the sleep-disturbing factor. If she does not complain about unpleasant symptoms related to teething while being awake, take a look at the other below-listed causes.

 

 

2. Lack of mutual agreement

 

 

You and your significant other (or other caregivers) are extraordinary at functioning as a team and both take turns putting your baby to sleep. The main issue comes when one of you doesn’t stick to the Sleep Project. Rather than putting your baby down drowsy but awake, one of you winds up resting and nodding off alongside her. Before you start sleep coaching, make sure you both agree on the following:

• the way(s) to let your child self-soothe
• the bedtime routine activities
• the daily schedule
• the acceptable level of crying
• who’s in charge of the routines and the night awakenings
• the sleep-training method (read: What is the best sleep-training method?)

 

Do think about the above-mentioned topics. Discuss them openly. Make sure you agree on the sleep-training approach and goals before you start the learning process. 

 

 

3. Parental inconsistency 

 

 

“To think is easy. To act is hard. But the hardest thing in the world is to act in accordance with your thinking.” — Johann Wolfgang Von Goeth

 

One of the biggest obstacles to effective sleep coaching is inconsistency. Psychologists refer to it as “intermittent reinforcement”. In behaviorism, it is defined as the delivery of a reward at irregular intervals. When it comes to sleep coaching, there are numerous examples of intermittent reinforcement:

• sometimes you feed your baby back to sleep, and sometimes she does not seem to be hungry in the middle of the night,
• sometimes you let your baby cry it out and sometimes you pick her up to console her,
• one parent applies the principles of gentle sleep-training method and the other adult decides to go for a more extinction-type of approach,
• sometimes you stick to the sleep plan and sometimes you forget about the whole strategy because you are overtired and just want to fall back asleep as soon as possible,
• sometimes you start to co-sleep with your baby in the middle of the night after a crying episode and sometimes you don’t.

 

According to Kim West, author of “Good Night, Sleep Tight”: “Intermittent reinforcement does make it harder for your child to learn to self-soothe and sleep. Inconsistently reinforced behavior is the hardest type to modify or extinguish. It takes the longest to change, and it often provokes even more of the tears we are trying to avoid.”

 

The key to change any behavior, whether it is related to sleep, work and even discipline is consistency. A study has shown that no matter what sleep coaching approach you choose to go for, it is not all that important to get good results. More than the sleep coaching method, the consistency at which you apply the measures is essential.

 

Parents need to remain consistent with their child because it sends her the message that they mean what they say. They can be trusted.

As a parent, you can be ambivalent about rules. Even when you know they are good for your child, they are sometimes difficult to enforce when tears roll down. Being a loving parent doesn’t mean welcoming chaos without limits. With time, children learn how to approach the world by observing the values shared by its entourage. The more consistent the words and actions, the more stable they will feel. Children need to know what to expect. Without consistency, they feel lost, insecure and encounter difficulties controlling themselves.

 

Besides the other parent, make sure to inform other caretakers and grandparents about your decision to sleep train. Everyone who looks after your little one during the learning process should know the details of your Sleep Project to abide by the plan.  

 

 

4. Too drowsy 

 

 

Babies can develop self-soothing skills very early on. After your newborn’s second month, you can try to put your baby to bed drowsy – in a state of somewhat awakeness, however, almost falling asleep – at least once a day.

 

The term “drowsy but awake” refers to the state in which Baby is aware that a person is putting her to bed and falls asleep knowing where she is. By doing so, she will not panic once awake, wondering: “How did I get here!?!?!??” 

 

To clarify the “drowsy but awake” concept, imagine a scale from 1 to 5, 1 being “wide awake” and 5 being “deep sleep”. You want to put your baby down at about 3. She should be quite sleepy but awake enough to know where she is and how she got into the crib. If she falls asleep too quickly, i.e. in less than five minutes, she was probably already too sleepy. Learn to see her natural sleep cues because they tell you more than the clock. This will help you figure out her natural sleep window and understand when her body tells you she is ready to be put down while she is still awake. It is a matter of trial and error. With practice, you will know when to put her to bed and your baby will figure out how to drift off to sleep on her own. 

 

 

5. Rushing in too fast

 

 

During brief moments of partial arousal, babies can be restless and noisy. If they start crying, we are tempted to rush in, and frantically try all sorts of tricks to rescue them from their tears.

 

Think about giving your baby time and space to settle and self-soothe. This may be the hardest one to put in place for parents. In her book “Bringing up Bébé“ Pamela Druckerman, describes the French parents’ philosophy with the concept of “The Pause”. The Guardian summarizes her theory about The Pause as follows: “Waiting is the key: the French do not do instant gratification. It starts more or less at birth. When a French baby cries in the night the parents go in, pause, and observe for a few minutes. They know that babies’ sleep patterns include movements, noises and two-hour sleep cycles (note: a baby’s sleep cycle is more around 50 to 60 minutes), in between which the baby might cry. Left alone it might “self-soothe” and go back to sleep. If you dash in like an Anglophone and immediately pick your baby up, you are training it to wake up properly. But if a French baby does wake up and cry properly on its own, it will be picked up. Result? French babies often sleep through the night from two months. Six months is considered very late.”

 

Your baby can be vocal when transitioning between sleep cycles. She might fuss or cry before finding a comfortable position and falling asleep. Even if you know that your baby’s needs are met, she can feel a little frustrated while learning to sleep. In such a case, I suggest that parents try to relax and wait a minute or two before rushing into the bedroom. This allow Baby to learn how to fall back asleep without any assistance.

 

If the crying doesn’t stop, they can check on her, speak softly, stroke her back/belly or pick her up if she seems very upset. Most of the time, the parents’ reassuring presence might be all she needs to fall asleep. Sleep is a learned skill and learning a new skill can cause temporary frustration. 

 

Read: What is a healthy sleep hygiene?

 

 

6. Creating a new sleep crutch

 

 

The most caring parents with the best intentions in the world can take habits that make sleep training harder. They provide a quick response to be confronted as little as possible to the crying. For babies older than 6 months, the goal is not to replace a sleep crutch by another one but to create positive sleep associations helping children go to sleep, stay asleep, and wake up happy. Positive sleep associations can be thumb-sucking, a pacifier (if she can put it back in her mouth on her own), a lovey, white noise and sometimes leg- or head-banging. 

The following provisional solutions (or negative sleep associations) to put a child to sleep quickly become habits that will be difficult to suppress if they take root in time:

• Breastfeeding
• Bottle-drinking
• Singing
• Keeping the radio or television on
• Being rocked by a parent or in a recliner
• Holding hands
• Making Baby’s seat vibrate
• Caressing continuously the child’s back/stomach
• Giving and putting the pacifier back in the mouth several times
• Sleeping on a parent’s chest or in his/her arms
• Sleeping in the parental bed
• Sleeping in the stroller or a car seat
• Parents sleeping by the baby’s crib

As from the fourth month, avoid any sleep techniques that would require your intervention or inevitable presence. Eventually, the sleep crutches might be the only way your baby can fall asleep. If your baby tends to fall asleep in your arms after a feeding, do something gentle right afterward — such as changing her diaper or reading a short story. This will help to wake her up so that you can put her drowsy in bed and give her a chance to learn how to self-settle.

 

 

7. Unrealistic expectations

 

 

Another of the main reasons that babies don’t sleep through the night is that their parents don’t have realistic expectations about kids’ sleep patterns. No baby sleeps through the night with a wave of a magic wand. There are no shortcuts or mystical ways to reach that objective. Your baby needs time and guidance to learn to fall asleep and stay asleep all night long. Some infants need more time than others. You need to be patient and consistent. Know that most babies are physically able to sleep through the night between 4 and 6 months old (Read: When can I start sleep training my baby?). If you have any doubts about your child’s sleep patterns or sleep-learning skills, talk to your pediatrician or give me a call.

 

 

8. Wrong sleep-training method

 

 

Last but not least, your sleep-coaching efforts can seem not particularly successful because the method is not suitable for your baby and/or does not match your parenting philosophies. The best sleep-coaching method for you isn’t always the best fit for your baby and vice versa. Ask yourself the following questions to assess the suitability of your sleep-training method:

 

• Does your baby calm down when you are close to her? If so, you can opt for a method that allows you to stay next to her when falling asleep. Should she self-soothe easily, you can decide to leave the room right after having her put to bed drowsy but awake.
• Is the sleep-training method recommended considering your baby’s temperament? If you have an easy-going and adaptable baby, you will likely have success with any method you decide to go for. More sensitive and alert children may need less parental intervention but more time to learn to self-soothe. They get usually too distracted or stimulated by their parents hovering over the crib and shushing repeatedly. 
• Is the method recommended for her age? More direct approaches are not suitable for babies under the age of 6 months (i.e. extinction-type of methods). Children between 18 weeks and 6 months need a very gentle and gradual transition to falling asleep on their own. For toddlers and older children with sleep issues, gentle approaches are often recommended to avoid worsening separation anxiety.
• How severe are her sleep problems? If your baby’s sleep issues are significant, more gradual methods are recommended (e.g. the Mobilis). If your child’s sleep issues are rather minor and temporary, a more direct approach might be in your best interest.
• Are you comfortable with letting your child cry? If so, you can choose for the Cry-It-Out or the Ferber methods. Should you look for a no-cry method, follow Pantley’s or Sears’ recommendations.

 

When you pick a method, choose what your baby and you would be comfortable with to ensure consistency and the success of the learning process.

 

Read: What is the best sleep-training method?

 

Sometimes, there is more than one reason why your sleep training failed. A combination of several disrupting factors can derail sleep training. Once you have identified the underlying causes, it is easier to define the troubleshooting steps.

 

If you have any doubts about your child’s sleep habits, don’t leave them unaddressed. Talk with your baby’s healthcare provider if you think that your little one has trouble going to sleep or staying asleep, especially if this is a new pattern. Should your doctor consider that your child can sleep through the night or if you would like to get more information on how to improve the quality and the quantity of your child’s sleep, schedule your first consultation now! It is a free and non-binding offer.

We all have our ways to interact with our child at sleep times. These differences are shaped by family dynamics, ethnic origins and cultural habits. Since each human being needs sleep, habits can vary from one child to another in the family cocoon. 

The National Sleep Foundation defines “sleep hygiene” as “a variety of different practices and habits that are necessary to have good nighttime sleep quality and full daytime alertness”. Since the scope of sleep hygiene is broad, I provide information for each of the composing factors parents could influence. Ensuring good sleep hygiene from early on (sometimes as from 2 months) can help your baby to both fall asleep and stay asleep longer.

Between 3 and 6 months, infants start getting more deep sleep, which can help get longer periods of sleep at night. Negative sleep associations, also referred to as “bad habits” or “sleep crutches” are very common at this age. Your goal, as a parent, will be to help your child to replace sleep crutches with good sleep associations. 

Positive sleep associations are self-soothing behaviors or rituals that a baby can create for herself, such as sucking her thumb or fingers, twirling her hair, stroking a stuffed animal or favorite blanket, rubbing things against her cheek, rocking her body, humming, or singing.

If you want to improve your child’s sleep habits, try to implement these following guidelines. It is never too early to teach good sleep habits (taking into account your child’s health and realistic learning skills) or never too late to change the bad ones. Also, preventing poor sleep habits is always easier than correcting a sleep problem. Young children are eager to learn and very malleable.

 

1. Create a consistent sleep schedule

What is a well-thought-out and age-appropriate bedtime? After your newborn’s first month, establishing and finding a schedule for your days (and nights) can, without a doubt, make your life easier. There is no particular bedtime that is right for every baby. Each one of us has a natural rhythm and thus an ideal bedtime. For children who are not in the day-night-confusion phase anymore (i.e. as from around 8 weeks), most sleep specialists consider the ideal bedtime to be between 6 p.m. and 8 p.m. (preferably around 7 p.m.). Starting with a consistent bedtime for small kids helps to regulate their sleep in the long run. Note that “bedtime” refers to the moment the child lays asleep in bed, not when the routine starts or when the lights are turned off.

How can you determine what is the natural bedtime of your child? This will mainly depend on her age and the naps she needs during the day.

With the help of a logbook containing information about your child’s sleeping cycles, you should be able to identify the pattern related to your child’s natural rhythm. Unfortunately, this can be very difficult because your schedule is not the same on a daily basis. Also, depending on the quality and length of naps and the feeding breaks, your baby will not always be tired at the same time. By keeping a log for a period of 1 or 2 weeks, you should get a better idea of when your baby prefers to eat, sleep and play. 

 

Keeping a log is one big part of creating an adapted sleep schedule. The other one is watching your baby. Learn to see her natural sleep cues because they tell you more than the clock. This will help you figure out her natural sleep window and therefore understand when her body tells you she is ready to sleep. 

 

The sleep window signs to look for are the following:

• yawning
• eye rubbing
• slowed activity
• listlessness
• limpness
• clumsy movements
• decreasing verbal expression
• sucking the thumb or pacifier
• weaker or slower suction
• general fussiness
• crying for no reason
• hyperactivity
• irritability
• fussiness even after being fed
• caressing a blanket, lovey or a part of a parent’s body
• playing with a parent’s hair
• zoning or staring blankly into space
• loss of interest in people and toys

 

As soon as you see one or several of these signs, you know that it’s time for her to go to bed. Ideally, you should set a specific time and consider it the most suitable time to put your child to bed. Should you realize that your child goes to bed too late, make the adjustments gradually, 15 to 20 minutes at a time. This change in the schedule will not happen overnight.

 

Why do I insist on putting your child at a regular and not-too-late time?

First of all, children who go to bed before they are overstimulated have fewer night awakenings. Also, constant and predictable bedtimes lead to less resistance at bedtime, falling asleep with ease, better sleep quality, and help build healthy sleep habits for the future. Children who have a steady early bedtime each night have a higher chance to self-regulate, experience fewer behavior challenges, and have better performance. 

Did you know that sleep experts also recommend that adults sleep at about the same time each night and wake up at the same time each morning? As in the case of children, this helps us sleep better, and feel better. Even over the weekend, our routine schedule should not vary too much from the other days of the week.

 

On the other hand, there is one key aspect of sleep where we differ greatly. “Setting a late bedtime will make your child wake up later in the morning” is a very popular sleep myth. Even if this advice seems logical, please ignore it. Why? If you miss your child’s sleep window, i.e. her natural time to sleep, her little body won’t be pumping out calming melatonin. On the contrary, the stress-related hormone (i.e. cortisol) will stimulate her much more than in the opposite case. She will regain energy as if she had drunk a Red Bull! She will become more agitated and be more difficult to calm down. Overtired children find it harder to fall asleep and get back to sleep if they wake up in the middle of the night. Kids who are lacking sleep are also more prone to have night terrors. By pushing back your child’s bedtime, you get the opposite of the intended effect. So, do exactly the contrary of what most people think: set an earlier bedtime to help your baby to sleep better and until later in the morning.

 

2. Encourage naps

 

The organization of your child’s sleep-and-wake phases varies greatly due to the evolution of the daytime naps. At six months, babies usually take three naps (morning, early afternoon and late afternoon naps), then, between nine and twelve months, they take two naps (morning and early afternoon), and, from fifteen to eighteen months, this should be reduced to one nap in the early afternoon. The nap then disappears at around the age of four or five.

 

One of the most valuable recommendations you could hear is: don’t underestimate the power of naps! Allow time for naps each day based on your child’s age and needs.

 

Here are some recommendations to follow that may lead you to wake your baby up during nap time (and which guarantee you a long night’s sleep!). 

 

The morning nap should follow a certain rhythm around the twelfth week and last between 60 and 120 minutes; it should not last longer than 2 hours. If you let your child extend this resting period, your baby may have trouble falling asleep in the afternoon. When babies take two naps a day, you can try to limit the first nap to an hour and a half so that your child doesn’t become exhausted and frustrated when she is supposed to start her second nap.

 

Several weeks after the morning nap is set up, the afternoon nap should be regularized in terms of time and duration. This nap should not last more than 2 hours. Do not allow too much time to elapse between the end of the morning nap and the beginning of the afternoon. As mentioned above, keep an eye on the clock, observe your baby to identify possible sleep indicators, and use your log to write it down.

 

Finally, a third nap in the late afternoon (or “catnap”) may be shorter. It lasts between 45 and 60 minutes, depending on the quality and quantity of previous naps.

 

Some parents deduce that their child needs only a bit of sleep at night because they are themselves able to run on little sleep. However, I would like to stress that every child, without exception, needs a lot of rest to develop and function well. An overtired baby has more trouble sleeping. Napping helps children to sleep better at night, so keeping them awake during the day will not help them sleep longer at night. To make sure that your child is not too tired at bedtime, no more than 4 to 5 hours should have passed between the end of the last afternoon nap and the beginning of the night.

 

“Sleep begets sleep” is a powerful parental mantra. When talking about children’s sleeping needs, we cannot compare the needs of children with those of adults. Some people think that a child who does not take a nap will be able to make up for missed rest hours, thus they deduce that the child will sleep longer in the morning. The reality is quite different because the opposite occurs. The less a child sleeps during the day, the more disturbed her sleep will be at the end of the day. An overtired child will also wake up before 6 a.m. and have a hard time to nap. The more a baby sleeps during the day (respecting time limits and avoiding interference), the better she sleeps at night, and the longer she sleeps in the morning. This may seem illogical, but it is the simple truth. 

 

Napping all day and not sleeping at night can be great for the baby but remains incredibly unpleasant for the parents. There is a proven correlation between the duration of daytime naps and the quantity and quality of nighttime sleep. Too much or not enough sleep during the day affects the baby’s night, and thereby yours as well. 

 

What’s the best way to put my baby down for a nap? To ease your baby into nap time:

• Set the mood. A dark, quiet and comfortably cool environment can help encourage your baby to sleep.
• Put your baby to bed drowsy, but awake. Drooping eyelids, eye rubbing, and fussiness might be signs that your baby is tired. The longer you wait, the more overtired and wired your baby might become — and the harder it might be for her to fall asleep.
• Avoid holding, rocking or feeding your baby to sleep. Eventually, this might be the only way your baby can fall asleep. If your baby tends to fall asleep in your arms after a feeding, do something gentle right afterward — such as changing her diaper or reading a short story. This will help to wake her up and put her drowsy in bed.
• Be safe. Place your baby to sleep on her back and clear the crib or bassinet of blankets and other soft items.
• Be consistent. Your baby will get the most out of daytime naps if she takes them at the same time each day and for about the same length of time. Occasional exceptions are inevitable, of course, and won’t harm your baby.

 

3. Feed well and enough during daytime

 

Sleeping and feeding are closely connected, even inseparable. Not sleeping enough can impact a child’s development because it impacts the weight gain. On the other hand, eating too little calories during the day can cause nighttime wakening due to hunger.

 

The first 10 weeks of an infant’s life, hunger triggers the awakenings. At that age, a baby should be fed every 2 or 3 hours all around the clock. 

 

But how can you tell when a baby wants to eat? She can’t verbally express her need. What parents can look for are the hunger cues:

• opening mouth and/or smacking lips
• sucking (on fingers or entire hands, toes, clothing, lips, etc.)
• fidgeting body movements
• looking for the breast when Mommy holds her
• fussing or crying (making the “Neh” sound – Read: How can I get my baby to stop crying?)

 

If you learn how to read your baby’s cues, she might not even get to the crying stage. Crying is, in fact, the last hunger cue to appear. 

 

If you are breastfeeding, try to avoid products containing caffeine (e.g. coffee, tea, sodas and chocolate, unfortunately!). Like alcohol, caffeine gets mixed with breast milk and can impact your baby’s sleep. She can become more irritable and have difficulty falling asleep. Breastfeeding moms say that eliminating caffeine and reducing dairy products help their kids to be less fussy and sleep better. Know that if you decide to change your diet, it could take 2 to 3 weeks to notice any change.

 

Around 10 weeks, babies gain weight, have a more developed gut and internal clock. They can build up some reserves to sleep for a little longer. Their sleep time at night can be extended to 5 to 6 hours, which means that some babies as young as 10 weeks old are physically capable to sleep through the night. Some babies still reverse the day/night cycle sleep longer during the daytime. In such a case, parents should wake up their baby after a 90 to 120-minute nap to offer food and help to fix the day/night confusion.

 

One common practice I have seen in the United States is to apply the 4-hour schedules. Based on the principles described in the book “12 hours’ sleep by 12 weeks old”, it is recommended to feed young babies every 4 hours. However, this practice can hinder maternal milk production and newborns do not get the calories needed to grow and gain weight. Therefore, many sleep experts do not recommend this early-on sleep shaping technique.

 

If you worry about whether your child is eating enough and growing enough, whether Mommy is producing enough milk and whether you need to supplement, talk to your pediatrician and/or a lactation consultant to address your concerns and questions.

 

After the fourth trimester, you can work on breaking the feeding-sleep association (i.e. a baby can’t fall asleep without nursing or the bottle). You can do this by feeding your baby when she wakes up from sleep rather than before she goes to bed. You can feed her a bit later if she is awake and still hungry. In the evening, try to feed her at the beginning of your bedtime routine. That way, she will learn to fall asleep without sucking. In the case where she falls asleep, make sure to wake her up gently to put her to bed drowsy but awake.  

 

Finally, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) strongly discourage parents to put their children to bed with a bottle of formula, milk, juice or any other sugared drinks. It is said that children who drink bottles while lying down may be more prone to ear infections and frequent exposure to sugary liquids contributes to the caries process. The AAP also recommends to stop night feedings once teeth erupt, i.e. around 6 months of age.

 

4. Plan outdoor activities every day

 

Especially for babies whose day/night cycle is still reversed, it is highly recommended to expose them to sunlight during the day or place them in a sunny room when awake. Being exposed to sunlight during the day and darkness during the night will help to fix the day/night confusion and settle the circadian rhythm.

 

For older children, several factors have been linked to nighttime sleep duration; not only bedtime and napping, but also daytime physical activity, and outdoor time. Harvard Health Publishing mentions that “we need sun exposure to make vitamin D, a vitamin that plays a crucial role in many body processes, from bone development to our immune system. Sun exposure also plays a role in our immune system in other ways, as well as in healthy sleep — and our mood. Our bodies work best when they get some sunshine every day.” Exposure to outdoor light (preferably in the morning and for at least one hour per day) helps to set children’s body clock for a better and earlier night’s sleep. (Don’t forget the sunscreen!)

 

This also explains why it is recommended to get some fresh air when you are jet-lagged or right after daylight saving time is adopted or let aside.

 

Finally, daily outdoor activities in nature and the sight of green spaces particularly help stress levels fall within minutes.

 

5. Create a safe and boring environment

 

If you wish to get useful tips about creating the ideal sleep environment for your little one, have a look at the following: How does a sleep-friendly room look like?

 

6. Develop routines (and stick to them)

 

“Routine, in an intelligent man, is a sign of ambition.” – W. H. Auden

 

Routines sound boring to adults, but they are utterly important for children from the earliest age. When you create a routine, you introduce a predictable pattern of events with an activity. The same routines can happen several times a day and they don’t have to be too rigid. It is just a way to tell your child what she can expect next. 

 

There are three types of sleep routines you can put in place: the bedtime routine, the wake-up routine, and the naptime routine.

a. Bedtime routine

Sleep is a pleasure that needs some preparation. A bedtime routine sets the stage for sleep, helps a child unwind and get her ready for bed. In a global study of more than 10’000 children from newborn to three-years-old, Jodi Mindell’s team found an intercorrelation between having a bedtime routine and sleep. Her team concluded that “regular nightly bedtime routine is associated with improved sleep in young children.” 

 

The evening must be a moment of calm, avoiding as much as possible screen time, scary stories, video games, television, tickling stress or family conflicts. Choose quiet and relaxing evening activities to enjoy moments of tenderness, comfort, and serenity. Many parents follow with the “4B” rule: Bath, Bottle/Breast, Book (with a happy ending) and Bed. You can also include songs, cuddles or a massage. Massages allow babies to relax and helps their body to secrete more melatonin, a.k.a. the sleep hormone, which improves the wake-sleep cycle.

 

After the routine, put your child in bed drowsy but awake, give her the pacifier, and wish her and the lovey good night. Remember to keep the bottle outside the bed.

 

Your going-to-bed procedure may vary from day to day, depending on how tired your child seems to be. However, the basic elements should always be the same (even during the weekends and holidays). To ensure the continuity and consistency of the bedtime routine, the chosen activities should be enjoyed by both the child and the parents. 

 

Allow adequate time each night so that this can be a pleasant and relaxed experience. If your child is not overtired, the routine should last between 45 minutes to an hour. Start not later than 7 p.m. to avoid your child falling asleep too late. Remember to read your child’s sleep cues. If she seems ready to go to bed, go through a shorter version of the usual routine. 

 

b. Wake-up routine

This routine will help to make her brain switch from the sleepy mode to the active mode. If your child wakes up after 6 a.m., get her out of the bedroom, turn on the lights or open the blinds, sing a “good morning” song, change her, feed her, and start the day. If it is earlier than 6 a.m. (even at 5:55 a.m.), give her space to fall asleep on her own or help her to calm down. You can turn on a dim light, change her if needed but stay in her room and make sure to put her back to bed drowsy but awake.

 

By implementing this drastic wake-up, you help her to distinguish daytime awakening from nighttime awakenings. If your baby is crying to get out of her crib, go check on her and leave the room for 10 to 15 seconds. This way, you tell her that her day starts because it is time to wake up, not because she was crying. 

 

You can also do this routine after each daytime nap to emphasize the difference between sleep-wake habits.

 

c. Naptime routine

The naptime routine is an abbreviated version of your child’s bedtime routine. It is also a predictable sequence of activities helping children to sleep easier and faster. A story, a song and a cuddle can do the trick. Prepare her for a nap about 15 minutes before putting her in bed drowsy but awake.

 

7. Encourage self-soothing

 

Self-soothing can be defined as the art of teaching your baby to calm herself to sleep when she is placed in the crib, or when she wakes up in the middle of the night, to fall back asleep.

 

Your baby can learn to self-soothe with a little effort, practice, and time. Popular self-soothing techniques are the following:

 

a. Be consistent in everything you do (see also section 8)

Implement a daily sleep schedule, follow consistent routines, always put your baby to sleep in her bed and try to have the same approach when it comes to sleep training (Read: What is the best sleep-training method).

 

b. Introduce a transitional object

The term transitional object (also called a “comfort object”), introduced by Donald Winnicott, is an item used by children to provide psychological comfort, in particular situations such as bedtime. A lovey or a blanket can ease separation anxiety and weaken other sleep-disrupting habits. 

 

If your child is not already attached to a teddybear, help her forge that bond. A teddybear helps a baby cope with the separation from her parents, making her feel safe and sound when they are not present. It helps to reassure her during sleep awakenings in the middle of the night. Transitions are easier if a child is encouraged to have a special stuffed animal, blanket, or similar favorite object, which she holds on to as an important companion. It is generally as from 6 months, that a transitional object is introduced. It should be small, soft, and safe. 

 

To get your baby familiar with the lovey, you could encourage the bond between you, your child and the object during feeding time, playtime and the routines. She might not get attached right away (especially if you are nursing because it is a longer process for nursed babies). Make several attempts or find another lovey that she might like. Don’t give up too soon.

 

c. Offer a pacifier

If your baby is often falling asleep while being fed, sucking is one of the most familiar ways she knows to get back to sleep. For all babies, a pacifier can be the way to satisfy the sucking instinct. 

 

The use of the pacifier should only be limited when the baby sleeps rather than all the time when she is awake and fussy. If your baby is 8 months or older, teach your baby how to put the pacifier back herself. At that age, she should have the pincer grip. As a parent, you can teach her how to find her pacifier, grab on and put it in her mouth. Place several pacifiers in the bed to increase the chance that she finds one. 

 

Read: Pacifiers: Pros, cons and safety tips

 

d. Allow thumb sucking 

The advantage of thumb sucking is that your child can use her finger to self-soothe if she cannot find her pacifier, satisfying that instinct to suck. Dr. Harvey Karp warns about the fact that “removing the pacifier often leads to more thumb sucking. Pacifiers are better than thumbs because sucking on fingers can seriously distort the palate and teeth, leading to the need for uncomfortable and expensive braces later.” However, do not get upset if your baby begins sucking her thumb or fingers. It helps to calm your little one if she feels stress or fatigue. The AAP mentions that about 50% or more uses this self-soothing technique and over half of them stop this soothing behavior by age six or seven months. Do not worry about it if your child is younger than 4 years old.

 

Read: Pacifiers: When to start, when to stop and how to wean

 

e. Put your baby to bed drowsy but awake

Babies can develop self-soothing skills very early on. After your baby’s second month, you can try to put her to bed drowsy – in a state of somewhat awakeness, however, almost falling asleep – at least once a day.

 

The term “drowsy but awake” refers to the state in which the child is aware that a person is putting her to bed and falls asleep knowing where she is. By doing so, your newborn will not panic once awake, wondering: “How did I get here!?!?!??” 

 

To clarify the “drowsy but awake” concept, imagine a scale from 1 to 5, 1 being wide awake and 5 being deep sleep. You want to put your baby down at about 3. She should be quite sleepy but awake enough to know who puts her down and how she is getting into the crib. If she falls asleep too quickly, i.e. in less than five minutes, she was probably already too sleepy. 

 

The best time of day to initiate this learning is the morning nap. If your child has fallen asleep just before nap time, wake her gently before bedtime. If she disagrees with this attempt at learning, comfort her by holding her in your arms. Even if the first time was a failure, continue to try the experiment once a day, day after day.

 

After demonstrating that she has mastered this new skill in the morning, continue this training with post-lunch naps or at bedtime. This technique teaches a baby that she doesn’t need your presence at any time to fall asleep, even when she wakes up in the middle of the night. She will be able to fall asleep without being in your arms or without having to be breastfed or bottle-fed. 

 

f. Give your baby time and space to self-soothe 

This may be the hardest one to put in place for parents. In her book Bringing up Bébé  Pamela Druckerman, describes the French parents’ philosophy with the concept of “The Pause”. The Guardian summarizes her theory about The Pause as follows: “Waiting is the key: the French do not do instant gratification. It starts more or less at birth. When a French baby cries in the night the parents go in, pause, and observe for a few minutes. They know that babies’ sleep patterns include movements, noises and two-hour sleep cycles (note: a baby’s sleep cycle is more 50 to 60 minutes), in between which the baby might cry. Left alone it might “self-soothe” and go back to sleep. If you dash in like an Anglophone and immediately pick your baby up, you are training it to wake up properly. But if a French baby does wake up and cry properly on its own, it will be picked up. Result? French babies often sleep through the night from two months. Six months is considered very late indeed.”

 

Your baby can be vocal when transitioning between sleep cycles. She might fuss or cry before finding a comfortable position and falling asleep. Even if you know that your baby’s needs are met, she can feel a little frustrated while learning to sleep. In such a case, I suggest that parents try to relax and wait a minute or two before rushing into the bedroom. This will allow the baby to learn how to fall back asleep without their assistance.

 

If the crying doesn’t stop, they can check on her, speak softly, stroke her back or pick her up if she seems very upset. Most of the time, the parents’ reassuring presence might be all she needs to fall asleep. Sleep is a learned skill and learning a new skill can cause temporary frustration. 

 

8. Be a patient, consistent and perseverant coach

 

”We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle

 

Even when we know that some guidelines are good for our child, they are sometimes difficult to enforce when tears roll down. Being a loving parent doesn’t mean welcoming chaos without limits. With time, children learn how to approach the world by observing the values shared by its entourage. The more consistent the words and actions, the more stable they will feel. Children need to know what to expect. Without consistency, they feel lost, insecure and encounter difficulties controlling themselves.

 

Setting limits does not mean that you decide everything for them. Of course, you determine when your child needs to take a bath, brush her teeth and have dinner. However, as a parent, you can be flexible. It’s good for children to know that some things are negotiable in certain situations. Therefore, you should give your child particular choices and a sense of autonomy. Let her choose the book she wants to read during the bedtime routine or the stuffed animal she wants to fall asleep with. Limit the options to 2 or 3 items to set a time limit for the decision-making process.

 

Moreover, all sleep-coaching methods are successful when parents understand that it takes time to change sleep associations and they have to stick to their decisions, no matter what. 

 

Throughout her life, your child will test the limits set, your patience and your consistency. Her sleep-learning is no exception to this rule. Therefore, talk with your partner and do not start with sleep coaching until both parents are 100% committed and comfortable with the chosen sleep-training method. Make sure everyone (grandparents, babysitters, etc.) is onboard (Read: Why doesn’t sleep-training work?).

 

Build a relationship with your child on mutual trust. Let people around you give you advice but remember to follow your instinct. You are in the best position to know what is beneficial or, on the contrary, harmful to your child. She sees you as a role model and follows you in the decisions you make. The more confident and positive you are, the easier she will learn how to sleep. For your part, show her and tell her that you believe in her ability to fall asleep alone. Your role is not to do things for her but to guide and encourage her in learning a new skill.

 

Finally, make sure you have realistic expectations regarding your baby’s sleep given her age, her temperament, and your lifestyle. Rome wasn’t built in a day… So, be patient and do not give up too easily.

 

All in all, there are some ways to tell if your child is having enough of the right kind of sleep. Does she wake up without problems and happily in the morning? Does she seem to have sufficient energy during the day? Overall, is she in a good mood? If all answers are “yes” you are doing the right things! If you have any doubts, questions or concerns about your baby’s sleep habits, talk to your pediatrician or give me a call. I can provide you with more information on how to improve the quality and the quantity of your child’s sleep. So, schedule your first free consultation now! It is a free and non-binding offer.

Is it time for you to decorate the baby nursery? How exciting! Creating an optimal sleep-friendly environment helps you to set the stage and your little one to take some distance with stimulating factors. You want to make the distinction between the exiting moments (play and feeding time) from the boring periods (sleep time). How should you proceed? Think about recreating a relaxing and soothing environment by using most of your baby’s senses: sight (dark space), smell (parent’s odor), touch (safe co-sleeping or a soft teddy/blanket) and hearing (silence or white noise). Many children also love to fall asleep when being fed (using the sense of taste). However, it is recommended to break the sleep-feeding association early enough to avoid night awakenings and tooth decay.

 

You can put your child in the best conditions to sleep well during the naps and at night by providing the following:

 

• A cool sleeping space: The room temperature should be around 19 to 20 degrees Celsius all year round, as the body’s temperature naturally falls during sleep. Adding too many layers (pajamas, swaddle, etc.) can disrupt the sleep process and can lead to overheating.

 

• A dark sleeping space: The room should be dark enough that you are unable to see your hand when you are stretching out your arm (even during naps!). Use curtains or blinds to regulate the darkness of the room. These will be particularly useful if your child is an early riser or a problematic napper.

 

• A relaxing sleeping space: Walls should be painted in soft, neutral or pale colors. Bright colors are too stimulating and could agitate your baby. Also, keep mirrors away from your baby’s bed, cover or turn off any source of light such as an alarm clock, a nightlight, and a camera indicator light (unless your toddler fears darkness, leave a dim light on). Avoid using cell phones, TV’s or computers throughout the night in your baby’s space because this type of light harms your child’s circadian rhythm. Also, take away the mobile hanging above her crib. This is stimulating her curiosity rather than putting her to sleep and it can be a dangerous item if she manages to detach it.

 

• A quiet sleeping space: In addition to soothing and reassuring your child, a white noise machine helps in blocking disruptive nuisances emanating from inside and outside your home. Use the machine whenever your little angel is getting some rest during day and night. If the white noise is present at bedtime, it should remain on all night. Despite the many benefits, white noise machines do not always offer peace and quietness without risk. In 2014, the AAP tested 14 white noise machines. It was found that they all exceeded the recommended noise limits, set at 50 decibels. In addition to increased hearing problems, the study found that the use of white noise amplified problems with language and speech development. Based on the results of the AAP, pediatricians recommend that a machine should be placed at least 2 meters from a baby’s bed so that the noise does not become a nuisance or a source of distraction. Avoid playing music that changes in pitch or tone, such as thunderstorms or ocean waves. If you use a smartphone or a tablet, turn on the airplane mode.

 

• A safe sleeping space: Think like a minimalist. Your child’s bed should be a place to rest, not to play. Create a zero-accumulation and clutter-free sleeping area. Forget about futile objects that could stimulate your baby’s curiosity. So, it is better not to hang a mobile or mirrors above the bed. Also, keep stuffed animals, pillows, blankets as well as bumpers away from the crib. Are you concerned that her environment won’t be comfortable enough? Do not worry, it’s perfect for baby! Less (clutter) is more (sleep). Moreover, it is best not to hang a frame or shelf directly above your child’s bed to avoid unwanted objects falling on her, which could hurt her or wake her. Finally, approximately 3,500 infants die annually in the United States from sleep-related deaths, including Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). The AAP recommends placing your baby on her back on a firm mattress. If she is younger than 8 weeks (or she has not yet started to roll), you can swaddle her to encourage sleep.
  

If your baby is experiencing some difficulties to fall asleep or stay asleep through the night, talk to your pediatrician. Should this latter consider that your child should be able to fall (back) asleep on her own or if you would like to get more information on how to improve the quality and quantity of your child’s sleep, schedule your first consultation now! It is a free and non-binding offer.

All parents are tempted to ask the pediatrician “how many hours of sleep does my child need?”. The general idea is that the younger the child, the higher the number of hours of sleep. However, when it comes to exact numbers, there is no universal answer. That would make the parents’ life way too easy.

 

Children aren’t alike, which therefore means that there are variations within an age group. Some may develop regular sleep rhythms earlier in life than others. That can be explained by a child’s unique genetics and the distinctive temperament. Also, family dynamics and circumstances vary (over time) and influence how much, how well or where the child sleeps.

 

The child’s schedule that will be implemented into the daily, weekly or monthly routine should be the one that works best for the whole family. The more it is suitable to all the members of the family, the higher the chances are that parents will remain consistent over time. This is why they are in a better position to establish a schedule than grandparents, a pediatrician or even a sleep expert. Parents can get advice and an ideal schedule recommended, but they should have the final word.

 

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, if your baby sticks to the routine for 80% of the time, the other 20% may not be a problem if you need to adjust her (his) sleep schedule. So, there is no need to be rigid and inflexible on this matter. However, don’t make exceptional schedule deviations a habit. Your child’s sleep schedule can only be disregarded a couple times in a month.

 

Keep the same schedule on weekends and when she is away from home (e.g. on holidays or at the daycare). Just remember to respect you child’s nature and maintain normal sleep routines as often as possible (read: What is a healthy sleep hygiene?). When you know that there is an upcoming routine buster, try to keep your child well rested in the preceding day or two. The more she will feel rested, the more she will adapt to extraordinary events that throw off balance her usual schedule.

 

Below, you may find the optimal sleep times per age group as recommended by the National Sleep Foundation. The most important is whether the child is getting enough restorative sleep to appear rested and function well during the day.

 

 

If you have any doubts about your child’s sleep schedule, talk to your pediatrician. Discuss specific topics such as the routines, how and when she falls asleep and any other relevant topic that may impact her sleep patterns.

 

If you would like to get more information on how to improve the quality and quantity of your child’s sleep, schedule your first consultation now! It is a free and non-binding offer.

Sleep plays a vital role in good health and well-being throughout our life, in the same way as oxygen, water, and food. Good nutrition is crucial for your baby’s body development as is sleep for brain development. But a sleeping brain is not a resting brain. It is somehow functioning differently than in a wakeful state.

Babies do not only require a proper amount of sleep to grow to their full potential but also need enough of the right kind of sleep. They have to benefit from sound, deep and, more restorative sleep that is so important to their developing brains. 

The prolonged lack of enough quality sleep can have real repercussions on the mood, the safety as well as the mental and physical health of all family members. A child’s sleep deprivation can affect her parents’ relationship and life balance. Good sleep hygiene is essential in our life and, especially, in our children’s life. 

So, if you were worried that wanting more sleep makes you selfish, think again. Terry Cralle, a registered nurse, confirms that “it’s important to make sleep a family priority. Ensuring proper sleep in childhood offers a lifetime of benefits.”

 

Why is sleep so important?

Science tells us that if we get the appropriate number of hours of sleep, it helps the learning process, increases our ability to concentrate, aids metabolism and weight control, reduces irritability and impatience, decreases the risk of suffering from depression and strengthens our immune system. Similarly, healthy sleeping habits are essential to promote children’s cognitive, behavioral, emotional and physical development. By providing your child’s brain sufficient sleep, she will learn better by maximizing her concentration capacity, will be less likely to go through mood swings, happier, healthier and successful. From an early age, you can help your child develop a good foundation for peaceful nights. A healthy sleep hygiene starts early in life (Read: What is a healthy sleep hygiene?).

• Babies need sleep to physically grow. It is during the night that growth-related hormone is produced.
• Researchers have found that sleep and the circadian system are strong regulators of immunological processes. Insufficient sleep weakens the immune system’s ability to fight off short-term, chronic and acute health problems.
• The human brain is developing until around the age of 21. Thanks to sufficient sleep until then, a child will help reach her full potential. Sleep boosts her attention and concentration, helping her learn new skills. According to the medical journal Sleep “short sleep duration in the first three years of life is associated with hyperactivity/impulsivity and lower cognitive performance on neurodevelopmental tests at age 6.”
• Sleep is prime time for the brain to process, transform and store learned material. Dreams allow babies to process daytime emotional experiences and memorize events. 
• According to Patrick McNamara, Ph.D., dreams (during the REM stage) help promote attachment. McNamara states that the dreams about family members facilitate the emotional bonding during wake time.
• A study proved that increased sleep is correlated with an easy-tempered baby, who is more approachable and adaptable. Well-rested babies are easier to calm down, less prone to anger, frustration, and temper tantrums than sleep-deprived children. Insufficient sleep impairs emotion stabilization.
• Research conducted by Dr. Miller at the University of Warwick has found that children who regularly sleep less than others of the same age gain more weight when they grow older and are overall 58% more likely to become overweight or obese. According to Dr. Miller, “the study reinforces the concept that sleep deprivation is an important risk factor for obesity, detectable very early on in life.”

 

Why should you tackle your baby’s sleep debt?

The benefits of sleep are not just seen in an infant’s development, there is also a major impact on the family unit. Long periods of interrupted nights could not only cause damages for your baby but also impact your physical and mental health. 

If birth is a happy event marking the life of a couple, it causes irreversible changes, not always in the positive sense. Tiredness and the screams can precipitate you and your partner in a turbulent zone, putting your couple in danger. 

Research conducted by the University of Berkeley with 2’000 parents, focused on the impact of a child’s sleep on the parental balance. It revealed that parents sleep an average of 6 hours per night and have a hard time managing the lack of sleep.

30% of divorced or separated parents mention that the main reason that triggered their separation is the sleepless nights caused by their baby crying. Beyond an insufficient duration of sleep for the young parents, it is the duration of uninterrupted sleep which is invoked. At least 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep would be needed to properly concentrate and, among other things, prevent postpartum depression. 

Of those surveyed, 11% admitted to pretending to sleep when their baby’s crying wakes them up, leaving their partner to care for the child. The same number of parents decide to close the door, to stop hearing the screams. According to psychiatrist Bernard Geberowicz, 100% of parents experience turbulence when their first baby arrives. He also states that 20 to 25% of couples break up after four or five years of cohabitation, which often coincides with the beginnings of parenthood. 

Besides creating chaos in a couple’s daily life, sleep deprivation can have the following consequences for adults:

• Feeling less alert 
• Having a shorter attention-span
• Working less efficiently
• Feeling sad or even depressed
• Feeling stressed and having fears
• Having less energy to participate in social activities or to go outside the house
• Getting easily irritated and defensive
• Feeling continuously tired
• Suffer from a weaker immune system
• Increasing risk for sleep issues, unusual appetite, diabetes, (car) accidents, Alzheimer, and dementia. 

Improving your baby’s sleep has significant advantages that go beyond his/her development. As sleep-deprived parents, take the necessary initiatives as soon as possible to get your life back on track. Should you need some reassurance, support or guidance, talk to your family doctor or pediatrician. If you would like to get more information on how to improve the quality and the quantity of your child’s sleep, schedule your first free consultation now! It is a free and non-binding offer.

Good quality sleep is essential for everyone, from children to adults. Sleeping helps us function well physically and mentally. No parent loves to wake up early and listen to the sound of their little one crying. In such a case, you may be likely to think nostalgically about the lazy mornings you enjoyed before your child was born. I know you want to find a way to delay your child’s wake-up time: the good news is that solutions exist, but you must be patient and consistent.

 

What is an early riser?

 

An early riser, or also called “early bird”, is a child who wakes up before 6:00 AM, unable to go back to sleep or to get enough sleep to make it until the nap without being overtired. An early bird will be moaning, crying or yelling to let you know that she needs you to fall asleep again. A healthy child, older than 6 months and benefitting from enough sleep, should normally wake up between 6:00 AM and 8:00 AM.

 

Why is your child an early riser?

 

When dealing with sleep problems, it is important to take the time to separate causes from symptoms. You will want to know what is causing this particular sleep problem and why. If you only treat symptoms, you will only have temporary sleep improvements because the causes will not have been addressed, causing the symptoms to return.

 

There are 8 possible reasons which explain why your child wants to start the day before 6:00 AM. Once you know the cause, it is easier to find and apply the right solution.

 

 

1. Health issues

 

When a child gets sick, she often wakes up her parents to warn them that she is not feeling well. The child expresses pain and distress even in the middle of the night. In the particular case of an ear infection, the horizontal position makes it even more painful. Pay attention to your child’s crying (the sound and the intensity) as well as the body temperature. If you have any doubts or have observed possible symptoms, check with your doctor immediately.

 

In the same way, allergies, reflux and a cold can temporarily disrupt your child’s sleep.

 

Another common but still underdiagnosed cause is obstructive sleep apnea, something approximately 3% of children suffer from. To check if your baby is affected by obstructive sleep apnea, answer the following questions:

• Does your child usually snore?
• Is the bed wet from sweating?
• Is she a restless sleeper?
• As a general rule, does your child have an audible noisy breathing?

If the answer is “yes” to each of the above questions, then talk with your pediatrician and ask them to look at your child’s tonsils and adenoids.

 

Although teething does not really fall into the category of health concerns and is instead considered as a developmental stage, it can still greatly disrupt sleep. Teething can definitively interfere with your baby’s sleep, but far less than what you might anticipate or believe. It is only when your little one shows signs of discomfort, grumpiness, and pain during the day that teething can be the sleep-disturbing factor. If your child does not complain about unpleasant symptoms related to teething while being awake, take a look at the below-listed reasons causing waking up early. You might find another potential cause that may be at the root of the early-rising issue.

Unfortunately, for the health issues and physical discomfort, you will not be able to act alone to delay morning wake-ups. As the source of the problem is out of your reach, you will need to consult your pediatrician or a healthcare specialist to find a medical solution.

 

 

2. Feeling hungry

 

 

Your child’s needs change over the first weeks and months. The size of a newborn’s stomach is so small that it could not possibly sleep through the night without being fed. Normal healthy newborns typically need to eat every two to three hours. As they grow, they can eat larger amounts during the day, which will reduce the number of night feedings.

 

To make sure that hunger does not cause sleep disruptions, check regularly with your doctor that the frequency of feedings and the amounts eaten during the day correspond to dietary requirements according to her age. If you are breastfeeding, you may want to ask your lactation counselor for some advice.

 

 

3. Nap deprivation

 

When it comes to sleep, one cannot compare the needs of children with adults. As a parent, we tend to think that if a child does not take naps, she will recover during the night the hours she failed to get during the day, and thus sleep longer in the morning. Sleep begets sleep for the Mini-Me’s. The more a baby sleeps during the day, the more she will sleep at night. It may sound illogical but it is the simple truth.

 

If your child does not rest enough during the day or does not benefit from quality sleep (e.g. sleeping in a stroller or a car), getting up very early can be an unpleasant result. So, do not overlook the benefits of siestas.

 

Read “How much sleep does my child need?” to know the average sleep your child needs based on her age. 

 

4. High level of brightness in the bedroom

 

When you enter your child’s bedroom, do you need to turn on the light to avoid bumping into furniture? If this is not the case, the sunlight could be your child’s alarm clock. Her thin eyelids do not block the daylight on which her circadian rhythm (or internal clock) strongly depends. In fact, as of the second month of her life, a child distinguishes day from night thanks to daylight which is considered as a natural indicator. By seeing the sunlight, your child thinks it is time to wake up.

 

To overcome this problem, consider installing blinds or blackout curtains. They will prevent natural light from entering the room during naps and early morning. These accessories are not only a nice piece of decoration but also regulate the darkness of the bedroom, and therefore the quality of sleep. The ideal level of darkness should not allow you to see your hand when you stretch out your arm.

 

Also, avoid letting your baby sleep in a stroller or the car because she does not benefit from a deep sleep in such circumstances due to the annoying level of light.

 

5. Ignored sleep cues

An exhausted child usually needs more time to fall asleep and wakes up more frequently during the night. If you miss your child’s sleep window, i.e. the natural time to sleep, its little body won’t be pumping out calming melatonin. On the contrary, the stress-related hormone (i.e. cortisol) will restimulate her. She will regain energy as if she had drunk an energy drink. She will become more agitated and be more difficult to calm down. Children who are lacking sleep are also more prone to having nightmares.

 

The signs of tiredness parents should look for are the following:

• eye rubbing
• yawning
• slowed activity
• listlessness
• limpness
• clumsy movements
• decreasing verbal expression
• weaker or slower suction
• thumb sucking
• caressing a blanket, lovey or a part of a parent’s body
• playing with a parent’s hair
• zoning or staring blankly into space
• whining and fussing
• loss of interest in people and toys

 

If you see one or more of these above-mentioned behaviors, your child probably reached that critical point of tiredness. Without waiting further, she should be put to bed as soon as possible, even if it means that the routine is abbreviated. This is true for naps as well as for bedtime.

 

Besides, to make sure your little one is not overtired at night, there can be no more than 4 to 5 hours between the end of her nap and the beginning of the night. 

 

Since each child is unique, there is no universal schedule applicable. To create one based on your child’s natural rhythm, keep a log for a couple weeks. Write down when you see signs of fatigue and at what time she went to bed and fell asleep. This way, you will follow a customized schedule and will make sure that she will not be too exhausted or already asleep when going to bed.

 

6. Too sleepy when being put in bed

Just like talking and walking, finding sleep is a skill that is taught and learned. As from the eighth week, a baby’s night sleep falls into place. The perfect time has then arrived to teach her how to self-soothe and fall asleep on her own. After the second month, you should try to put your child in bed drowsy but awake at least once a day. “Drowsy but awake” means that she knows who is putting her in bed and where she is before falling asleep. This way, she will not panic when waking up and wonder how on earth she ended up there.

 

The best time of the day to initiate the sleep coaching is the morning nap. If your child has fallen asleep during the nap routine, wake her gently before putting in the bed. If she does not like this learning attempt, take your child in your arms again and comfort her. Try the experience once a day, day after day. Once she has mastered the morning nap, put her down drowsy but awake before the afternoon nap and at bedtime. This technique will teach your child that she does not need your presence to fall asleep, even when waking up in the middle of the night.

 

 

7. Existence of negative sleep associations

The concept of “sleep association” regroups all behaviors that help a baby to fall asleep. Children of all ages, and even adults have sleep associations, whether they are aware of it or not.

 

Negative sleep associations usually involve a parent who does one or more of the following to help the child to fall asleep :

• breastfeeding or bottle-feeding
• rocking or walking with the child
• swinging
• singing
• rubbing the child’s back
• sleeping next to the child’s bed
• holding the child’s hand or finger
• driving a car or pushing the stroller
• bringing the child in the parental bed

 

If your child has not learned to fall asleep on her own, she will most likely not be able to go back to sleep at night without your help. Your goal will be to replace negative sleep associations with positive ones.

Positive sleep associations usually involve the baby doing one or more of the following actions to fall asleep, without the intervention of an adult:

• biting, rubbing or holding a blanket or a lovey
• sucking one or more fingers
• sucking a pacifier
• hitting the feet against the mattress
• banging the head against the crib’s bars
• swinging back and forth
• making small vocal sounds
• listening to a white noise machine or a fan

 

8. Late bedtime

 

The ideal bedtime is scheduled between 6:00 PM and 8:00 PM. Before this time interval, you may experience an early morning wake-up call the next day since children normally sleep 11 to 12 hours at night. If you keep your little angel up after 8:00 PM, you take the risk of getting her exhausted. She would be then too excited to fall asleep.

 

As mentioned earlier, pay attention to the signs of fatigue to determine when to put your child to bed. Parents often justify a late bedtime because one or both parents come home late at night and want to spend quality time. In this case, I advise to rather enjoy the mornings together, before they leave for work. Providing the child with adequate sleep should be the family’s priority. Teaching kids healthy sleep habits will benefit them greatly. It is proven that a well-rested child has a better ability to stay focused, develops well, is less irritable, strengthens her immune system, manages her emotions better and has greater capabilities to learn.

 

Is it possible that my child is a natural early riser?

 

Some parents have told me that they only need a few hours of sleep and think that their offspring is identical. However, every child, without exception, needs a lot of rest to develop well.

 

Read: What is a healthy sleep hygiene?

 

In case your child gets up regularly before 6:00 AM, review the list of factors causing early morning wakenings and identify the reason(s) why he might get up at the crack of dawn.

 

Be aware that if you modify your child’s routine to delay the wake-up time, the early risings will not suddenly become a vague memory. The adjustment process to delay the morning wakenings can take weeks. Luckily, the vast majority of parents who are patient and consistent achieve their goal.

 

If you would like to get more information on how to improve the quality and the quantity of your child’s sleep, schedule your first free consultation now! It is a free and non-binding offer.

You have probably discovered that your little angel is not so tiny anymore, or you have caught your toddler attempting to climb out of the crib. Now, you might wonder if the time has come to go shopping for a toddler’s bed.

 

Get the timing right

 

I recommend to wait until the child is at least two and a half years of age to begin the transition to a ‘big kid’ bed. I even ask parents to push it back to three years if it seems possible to them. Around that age, children generally show signs of maturity and have the level of verbal skills requested to understand the ‘big boy or big girl’ bedtime rules. They start to get the concept of ‘staying in bed until the next morning’.

 

The American Academy of Pediatrics takes the height of 35 inches (90 cm) as a point of reference. As an alternative, you can also check if the crib rail falls below your child’s chest (the mattress should be dropped to the lowest position available) while standing in the bed. If so, you may consider it is time to begin the transition.

 

Too often, parents rush to get their child out of a crib and into a bed (especially when she is trying to climb out of it) and struggle afterward to get her to fall asleep and remain in her room all night long. If this is your case, I recommend putting a mattress or soft foam mats around the crib to prevent possible injuries when your child climbs out of it. To give you (even more) peace of mind, install childproof latches on chests of drawers and a gate in front of the bedroom door.​ Try to delay the transition as much as possible until your little one is three years old.

 

The Montessori approach

 

According to Dr. Maria Montessori, we should not force our children to sleep. They are naturally able to fall asleep when feeling tired. And, if they are not tired, they should get all the freedom to explore their environment. As a result, Montessori recommends that babies sleep in a bed without bars (of course you should co-sleep or share the room until it is safe for your child to sleep in a bed in her room). However, you should consider that, as parents, you need to rest too! For your sanity’s sake, it could be more important than your little one goes to bed and gives you some “Me Time”, especially at the end of the day.

 

The key principle of the Montessori bed is to allow the child to move around the room, allowing her to get in and out of bed alone. By putting the mattress on the floor, she won’t need your intervention and won’t get hurt by climbing out of the bed. Also, it gives her an overall view of her room. Her vision is not restricted by bars.

 

For some parents, the Montessori bed also offers some kind of relief. Their child no longer shouts in the morning or at the end of a nap to be picked up, they get out alone. In the same vein, if she wakes up at night, rather than calling the parents, she can go to them (an advantage which, for many, can be seen as a disadvantage). Others also love that their child is allowed to go to bed on her own when feeling tired. Moreover, she can stay in the room in the morning to play when she is awake.

 

However, the Montessori approach has its limits and can complicate bedtime. Your child needs to go through a learning period if you do not want to see them invading your nocturnal activities. If your toddler really cannot tell the difference between time to play and time to sleep, put them (back) in their crib. I am often told by parents that going back to the ‘crib solution’ is like taking a step back. Unfortunately, the Montessori approach is not ideal for every single child or family. My goal is to bring the best level of well-being to all family members, not to make life more complicated.

 

Top 7 tips for transitioning from crib to bed

 

Based on the above information, you may have decided that now is the time to move your child from the crib to a toddler bed. Yet, at the same time, you are unsure of how to make this major transition.

 

Just keep in mind that making this kind of transition is a huge one; not just for your child, but for you too. That means, moving your child to a bed is not an ideal thing to do when you are actively potty training her, planning to move to a new home, or if a new sibling is on the way. Making this huge change while other major things are happening will only add more stress to you and your child.

 

If none of that is an issue right now, then here are 7 tips on how to make this major transition as smooth as possible.

 

Tip #1: Talk about moving to a bed days in advance

 

French pediatrician and psychoanalyst Françoise Dolto, author of “Underlying stages of childhood”, highlights the importance of communication within a family: “It is essential to explain to a young child what happens to her and how it impacts her. […] She understands everything. And if she does not understand when she is told about it, she will understand it once she sees it. All the words are told to us before we know their meaning. It is when we live things and the words have been rightly chosen that we understand their meaning and realize the correctness of what has been said. That is why it is essential, for trust relationships between parents and children, that things are being said by the parents and that the truth is being said“, even when it can be about an annoying or painful reality.

 

If you use simple language and explain to your toddler that she will have a brand new bed very soon to sleep in, then it won’t be a shock. Pick an ideal moment to have a peaceful family reunion to introduce the change (i.e. Saturday or Sunday morning or late afternoon, when your child is in the best conditions and shape to attentively listen) and switch off all sources of potential nuisance (television, smartphone, computer, etc.). Your toddler should know what she will experience ahead of time and prepare herself for the change. You can also talk about why having a ‘big kid’ bed is great.

 

Tip #2: Set clear rules and stick to them

 

During your family gathering, clearly explain what is expected from your child once the bed is installed. It’s a healthy toddler’s job to test the boundaries. Your child may ask to drink of water, have a light left on, go to the bathroom a couple times or keep the door left slightly open. Try to handle her needs before bedtime so that she doesn’t use them to avoid going to sleep.

 

You can mention 3 to 4 positive manners to be promoted. Avoid rules formulated in negative terms. Here are some noteworthy positive behaviors:

 

• Put yourself to sleep without requesting Mom or Dad to stay next to you (or hold your hand).
• Stay quietly in your bed/room until 6 a.m. (or until Mom or Dad come get you).
• Put yourself back to sleep if you wake up during the night.
• Go to bed quietly for naptime.

A sticker chart can be a wonderful behavior incentive. To make sure that the expected behaviors are well understood, remind your child every evening of the rules set. Reward your child for following the 3 to 4 rules each night by giving out a sticker every morning for any positive manner adopted. You can also talk about it during the day, highlighting her successes, reminding the expected sleep manners but do not focus too much on her past failures.

 

Tip #3: Allow your child to be active in this project

 

To make this swap even more concrete, you could take your child shopping and let her choose the new bed, bedsheets and other ‘big kid’ bedroom decorative items.

Make sure that the accessories picked out will create a comfortable, secure and not too stimulating sleep environment.

You can remain in control of bedtime even when you give your toddler some freedom of choice. Let her decide which pajamas she will wear, what story you will read and which bedtime pal will share her bed.

Make her also participate in the making of the sticker charts, let her choose the stickers and the reward she will get when having accomplished one week of good sleep manners.

 

Tip #4: Place the new bed in the same spot

 

It doesn’t matter whether you decide to move your toddler to a twin bed or a toddler bed. The new bed should be installed where the crib used to be in the bedroom. This will make the adjustment and acceptance of being in a big bed easier. Placing the bed in a different spot could overwhelm and distract your child as well as disrupt sleep. That is the last thing you want to see happening.

 

If you are worried about her rolling out of her new bed, you can place the crib or a big bed mattress on the floor, where the crib used to be.

 

Tip #5: Allow your toddler to try it out during naptime

 

A new bed can be really exciting for your toddler and, at the same time, scary. Allowing your child to nap in the toddler bed during the day before using it for nighttime is a great way to make the transition smoother. A new bed may seem less intimidating as a result if the toddler sleeps in it during naptime.

 

Tip #6: Stick to the same bedtime routine

To make it clear that the new bed is for sleeping, it is crucial to stick to the usual bedtime routine. Not to mention, kids feel safe while they are on routines since they know what to expect which helps to establish healthy sleep patterns (Read: What is a healthy sleep hygiene?). Therefore, putting your child to bed by applying the same rituals and at the same time each night will help the transition happen more smoothly. You can also tell your little one that you will check on her a couple times before you go to sleep. This can provide your toddler extra reassurance.

 

Tip #7: Be patient and consistent

 

You might face new struggles following the transition. The removal of the crib bars could be associated with the disappearance of bedtime boundaries. Set clear objectives and give your toddler the time to understand and apply the new set of rules. Getting upset when your child keeps you awake at night is understandable. When you are tired, you become easily annoyed and impatient. However, try to remain positive and understanding. A negative response to a child’s behavior can sometimes make a temporary sleep problem worse (Read: How can I tell whether my child has sleep problems?)

 

Whatever sleep training or sleep coaching method you decide to apply, consistency is the key success factor (Read: Why doesn’t sleep training work?). Therefore, make sure to think thoroughly about the positive manners you want to reinforce and stick to your approach during the whole crib-bed transition. Every child needs someone to believe in them and show them the right path. That someone is first and foremost you (the parent).

 

Prepare yourself for some bedtime and night struggles

 

One thing to keep in mind that your toddler will discover that there is freedom when it comes to being in a bed. Therefore, she will probably get out of bed at times when she should be sleeping (Read: How can I get my toddler to stay in bed?).

 

Some psychologists associate sleep disturbances to the Oedipus Complex. Children aged between 3 and 6 become unconsciously sexually attached to the parents of the opposite sex. Because of the Oedipal behavior, they may walk into the living room or the parents’ bedroom while they are sleeping and climb between them. Toddlers may also refuse to sleep alone and try to break parental one-on-one home evenings. It is also a period during which nightmares with huge monsters coming to devour them could appear.

 

When your little one jumps out of her bed, lead her calmly back to the room and tell her she should remain quietly in bed and fall asleep on her own. Do not overreact to avoid stimulating your child. She might consider that getting any attention is better than getting none. Once she is back in bed, tell her briefly what a good girl she has been, remind her eventually about the sticker chart and leave the room.

 

Do you feel ready to transition your child from the crib to bed? Be sure to utilize the tips mentioned above and best of luck with the change!

If you would like to get more information on how to improve the quality and the quantity of your child’s sleep, schedule your first free consultation now! It is a free and non-binding offer.

A toddler aged between two and three needs an average sleep of about 11 hours a night, plus a 1-hour to 2-hour afternoon nap. Four-year-olds’ bodies and minds require an 11.5-hour sleep at night to rest, and the majority of them replace the daily nap by forty-five minutes of quiet time each afternoon or an occasional nap. Five-year-olds’ sleep drops to 11 hours a night (Read: How much sleep does my child need?).

 

Not only does the sleep structure evolve with the years, the sleep environment does too. Every baby grows into a toddler, and eventually needs to make the transition from crib to bed. You can introduce a “big kid” bed when your little one is two and a half to three years old (Read: How do I transition my child from the crib to the bed?). This age limit is based on the fact that two and a half years represents the average age when children have the cognitive ability to understand “stay in your bed all night long”. 

 

However, around that age, toddlers also like to push the boundaries and getting your toddler to stay in bed can become a new challenge. Testing limits is completely normal. Bedtime with a toddler can become a huge battle of wills and can be exhausting, even if she is used to the going-to-sleep rituals. Toddlers find creative tactics when it comes to delaying bedtime. They may want to explore the house, ask you for water (resulting in more middle-of-the-night wakeups) or give you another escape-from-my-room excuse. The parents’ job will be to anticipate and handle the child’s needs before bedtime so that she doesn’t use them to avoid going to sleep.

 

Whether you embrace a strict type of discipline or have a more easy-going approach, the following guidelines could help you to define your bedtime and nighttime strategy to get your toddler to stay in bed until the next morning.

 

1. Schedule a family discussion

 

Communication is key in the parent-child relationship. You can only expect that your child changes her behavior if you have talked about the “what”, “how”, “when” and “why”. Pick an ideal moment to have a peaceful family reunion (i.e. Saturday or Sunday morning or late afternoon, when your child is in the best conditions and shape to attentively listen) and switch off all sources of potential nuisance (television, smartphone, computer, etc.). Your toddler should be told what is expected from her and prepare her for some changes. A 3-year-old child should be mature enough to understand what her parents explain. The discussion should come from both sides and the child can participate in defining the process (e.g. choosing her teddybear to sleep with, preparing the sticker chart or buying stickers).

 

2. Introduce a sleep manners sticker chart

 

During the family discussion, parents set well-defined expectations and clearly state the sleep manners their child should follow as indicated on the sticker chart. The sleep manners should encourage a positive attitude. So, avoid rules formulated in negative terms. Here are 4 noteworthy positive behaviors to be promoted:

 

• Put yourself to sleep alone at bedtime 
• Put yourself back to sleep during the night without mom or dad laying down with you
• Lie in bed quietly until Mommy comes to get you in the morning (i.e. after 6 AM)
• Cooperate at nap or quiet time

 

A sticker chart can be a wonderful behavior incentive. To make sure that the expected behaviors are well understood, remind your child the rules set every evening. Reward your child for following the four rules each night by giving out every morning a sticker for all the noticed positive manners. You can also talk about it during the day, highlighting her successes, reminding the expected sleep manners but do not focus too much on her past failures. By showing that you are proud of her, you will make her feel good about herself and encourage her to behave similarly in the future.

 

Make her also participate in the making of the sticker charts, let her choose the stickers and the reward she will get when having accomplished one week of good sleep manners.

 

3. Choose a reasonable bedtime 

 

Your child should be asleep between 7:00 PM and 8:00 PM Setting a late bedtime will not make your child wake up later in the morning, instead it will make her overtired. By staying up late, she gets wired and acts like she just drank a Red Bull. Exhausted children find it harder to fall asleep, wake up more often at night and to get back to sleep if they wake up too early. Little ones who are lacking sleep are also more prone to have night terrors. By pushing back your child’s bedtime, you get the opposite of the intended effect. So, do exactly the contrary of what most people think: set an earlier bedtime to help your child to sleep a bit later in the morning.

 

4. Stick to the routine

 

Go through the usual and predictable routine at the same time each night, so your toddler always knows what to expect. Let her take a bath, eat, brush her teeth, read a story and let her go to the bathroom before you tuck her in with her favorite stuffed animal (Read: What is a healthy sleep hygiene?). 

 

5. Give your child a sense of control

 

Let your child make some choices at bedtime. She can choose which pajamas to wear, what stories she wants to hear, or with which stuffed animal she falls asleep. To keep it short and simple, pre-select 2 to 3 items from which your child can choose. 

 

6. Take the edge off separation anxiety

 

If your toddler shows signs of separation anxiety (crying when you leave, excessive fear of being alone, refusal to go to bed if you are not staying by her side, nightmares about separation, etc.), think about prolonging the bedtime routine to spend extra quality time with her. A transitional object (e.g. lovey or blanket) could help her against separation anxiety or to fight nighttime fears. 

 

Also, promise to check on her before you go to bed and tell her the next day how adorable she looks when she sleeps. This will prove to your child that you actually did go check on her and will be reassuring. If your child resists in falling asleep alone, the Mobilis is an efficient method to teach her how to self-soothe. After 14 days, she should be able to sleep on her own, and all night long.

 

7. Gate the doorway

 

In some situations, parents might have to put physical boundaries in place. When a child gets up and leaves the bedroom repeatedly, parents can install a gate to keep her in a childproofed room, keep her from wandering around the house and teach her to stay in her bedroom until Mommy or Daddy comes.

 

8. Comfort after a nightmare

 

Nightmares occur during REM sleep and towards the end of a sleep period. A child can recall dreams and nightmares (versus night terrors occurring non–REM sleep meaning that children do not recall the terror the next day when parents ask what happened during the night). Nightmares are very common and part of normal development. They often start around the age of 2 years.

 

If your child wakes up because of a nightmare, go into the bedroom and comfort her. She will want you to stay by her side and not be left alone. Let her tell you about her nightmare, give her the time to calm down and leave her room when she is ready to fall back asleep. Be careful not to create or reinstate a sleep crutch (e.g. no sleeping next to the child’s bed and no too much patting) when you comfort her.

 

If your child often experiences nightmares, it can be a sign of stress or anxiety. Ask what is worrying them to identify the trigger (e.g. new school or house, potty training, death of a relative or pet, baby sister or brother). Talking can help to dissipate fears or prevent stressful feelings from building up. Also, avoid stimulating television shows, scary movies, video games, and books during the day, and certainly during the bedtime routine. If you cannot determine what is bothering her, ask your pediatrician for advice. 

 

9. Get a nightlight

 

Leaving a nightlight on can help with separation anxiety and fear of monsters by offering reassurance and comfort in the middle of the night.

However, the light could prevent your child from sleeping due to overstimulation caused by the light. Therefore, avoid placing it too close to your child’s sleeping area and ensure it is low-wattage and dim.

You can also choose for a stay-in-bed light clock. Like traffic lights, such sleep training clocks use colors to let your child know when she can get out of bed and when she has to stay lying down.

 

10. Encourage napping 

 

Some parents deduce that their child needs only a bit of sleep at night because they are themselves able to run on little sleep. However, I would like to stress that every child, without exception, needs a lot of rest to develop well. An overtired child has more trouble sleeping. Napping does help children to sleep better at night, so keeping them awake during the day will not help them sleep longer at night. If your child is younger than 4 years old, make sure she gets 1 to 2 hours of sleep during the day. Nap deprivation does increase the struggle at bedtime and cause more night awakenings and early rising.

 

“Sleep begets sleep” is a powerful parental mantra. When talking about children’s sleep needs, we cannot compare the needs of children with those of adults. Some people think that a child who does not take a nap will be able to make up for missed rest hours, thus they deduce that the child will sleep longer in the morning. The reality is quite different because the opposite occurs. The less a child sleeps during the day, the more disturbed her sleep will be at the end of the day. Generally, it is more common for a child to wake up before 6 AM is they skip a nap or go to bed too late. The more a child sleeps during the day (respecting time limits and avoiding interference), the better they sleep at night, and the longer they sleep in the morning. This may seem illogical, but it is the simple truth. 

 

11. Remain consistent and patient

 

Make sure all caregivers agree and understand the limits you are setting as well as your approach. If you go different ways, the child is bound to be confused. They will understand that they can get their way if they play smart and could make your life a nightmare. You can prevent this game-playing if you present a united front (Read: Why doesn’t sleep training work?).

 

Remember that you are a role model. This means that throughout the “stay-in-your-bed” learning process, you need to have the same approach before and during naptime and nighttime. Believe in yourself. Trust that with the right approach and a bit of time, you will enjoy a good night’s sleep again. 

 

Beware that transitioning to a bed rarely solves an already existing sleep problem. If you think that your child’s particular behavior is not bothersome, no action is necessary. However, if you have any doubt, don’t leave sleep problems go unaddressed. Talk with your baby’s healthcare provider if you think that your little one has trouble going to sleep or staying asleep, especially if this is a new pattern. If you would like to get more information on how to improve the quality and the quantity of your child’s sleep, schedule your first free consultation now! It is a free and non-binding offer.